


The Calm Before

by Themillenniumpeacock



Series: Waiting for the Storm [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Ben please stop what you're doing it's not great, Leia sass, M/M, Obsessive!Ben, Poe's perfect hair appreciation, Some more Fluff, a little fluff, there's some bad stuff a-happenin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-11-04 05:34:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 29,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10984422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Themillenniumpeacock/pseuds/Themillenniumpeacock
Summary: Ben knew he was becoming obsessed with the pilot. His feelings became stronger and deeper everyday and he knew he only had a small window of time to act upon it, to make the pilot his.***hello there!! Just a heads up to any potential readers, this is a work in progress so a few edits may be made here or there. I'm hoping to make this part of a two (maybe three) part series. I do appreciate constructive feedback, and this may get a bit dark (we'll see...), but I hope everyone overall enjoys it!***





	1. Chapter 1

Ben kept his head down, attempting to concentrate on his work. He felt idiotic, following this pretense of education; there was nothing new in the histories they could teach him. He only kept up with the facade with minimal complaints because the sooner he was done the sooner he could leave this planet and begin his real Jedi training with his Uncle Luke. That's when Ben's main distraction walked into the room.

Ben was sitting in the corner of a busy control room with his mother, the general, bossing people about in the middle of everything. Even though his head was down, voices, recordings, and the beeps of the machines and droids causing a low roar of noise in the room, he could still feel when he entered the room.

The pilot was young, only a few years older than Ben himself, yet he still had a commanding presence about him. The pilot walked straight to the General, with an air of familiarity not even Ben could achieve with her. 

Ben frowned at his work, trying to push away the feelings of envy that was worming its way into his heart. She got to talk to him. She got to be friends with the pilot. 

Ben suddenly tensed, he could feel the pilot looking at him. Now walking towards him. It was times like this that Ben was grateful for his force sensitivity, it gave him time to gather his thoughts and to not be nervous around him.

“Hey Ben, why are you looking so frustrated this early in day?” 

Ben looked up, and kneeling not a foot way from his face was the pilot. Poe. His warm dark eyes, set beneath full black curls, looked into his with a mixture of humor and concern. 

Ben vaguely gestured to the work laid out on the table before him. He sighed and shrugged, “Just stuck here doing more research on dates and people that are of no use to me.”

“Aw come on buddy, it can't be that bad,” Ben watched as the pilot combed a hand through that hair, making it look even more effortlessly flawless. “Just think, you've only got a couple more months then you'll be off this rock, exploring the galaxy, helping to restore the Jedi order; a lot of epic adventures basically. Enjoy the peace and quiet while you can.”

the pilot leaned over to grasp Bens arm, bringing his face even closer. Kriff I can almost Kiss-NO. Ben cut off those thoughts and shook his head. 

“Oh don't shake off my ramblings so easily, Solo, I've got a little more experience outside this planet than you do,” The pilot said sage-like, throwing Ben a wink in the process. “When you get your first taste of battling and fighting, you'll long for the days when you could just dismiss everything I say to you” 

“Anything to get away from this,” Ben gestured to his mother, barking out more order to the peons around her. 

“Hey now, the General-” 

“The General has been very busy as of late, eliminating any of the peace and quiet you were talking about” Ben sneered. When it came to his mother he couldn't help but be petty. 

The pilot looked back over to the General and shrugged, “Well, both her and I chose this life,” The pilot looked back to Ben, leaning in closer, “but that doesn't mean you have to.” 

The pilot gave Ben one last grin before getting up and walking back towards the hangar bay. Ben watched his every move as he left. Back straight, head held high, the very essence of confidence in each step.

Ben knew he was becoming obsessed with the pilot. His feelings became stronger and deeper everyday and he knew he only had a small window of time to act upon it, to make the pilot his.

After a long hesitation, Ben stood up swiftly to follow the pilot. He felt his mother's eyes nearly burning into his back, she wanted to call him back but obviously felt her work was more important. He tried to shake away those unpleasant thoughts, he needed to focus on his task. He wanted to pilot and was determined to get him.


	2. Chapter 2

As Ben entered the hangar, he sensed that the pilot was already on the other side, tinkering on his precious X-Wing, Black One. Ben wished he had a talent like piloting, but his sorry excuse for a father never seemed to want to help him hone those skills. As he walked he forced himself to not look at the ugly piece of space junk that his father called a ship that took up far too much room in the small resistance hangar. The Falcon still held too many unpleasant memories that he did not wish to dwell on.

He felt a few curious eyes on him as he stalked towards his goal, he usually did not visit this area of the base. If his father was ever around he was here and most people knew that Ben and him avoided one another. Being the son of the General and the so-called hero of the Alliance meant that almost nothing of Ben's life was private, including the constant family tension. He just had his thoughts, and desires, that were all his own.

Ben turned a corner and saw the pilot at his work space next to the black and orange X-Wing. Ben noted that he was an extremely messy man, tools and parts strewn about the floor. He watched the pilot for a moment, as he had stripped his shirt off, his tanned bare skin had a thin sheen of sweat, grease and oil was smeared on his forearms and hands. Poe was sitting on the floor, a look of concentration on his face as he attempted to make a complicated piece of machinery fit back together. 

Ben smiled to himself, the pilot had not yet realized his presence. Ben loved to watch the intense focus the pilot had on his face, to see his dark eyes furrow with intensity as he worked to solve a problem. Ben's breath caught in his throat at the thought of the pilot looking at him like that, at Poe attempting to figure out his inner thoughts. Then Poe’s black curls fell over his brow, damp with sweat from the heat that the hangar never seemed to be rid of. Poe attempted to push the rogue locks back, only succeeding in leaving a long black streak of grease across his forehead. Ben had always longed to touch those curls, to run his fingers through them, to discover if they felt as thick and wild as they appeared.

“KRIFFING JUNK!” The pilot suddenly exclaimed as he dropped the metal contraption. His eyes screwed up in pain as he grasped his now bleeding hand.

Ben, now alarmed, started make his was over to offer help before catching himself. He didn't want the pilot to know that he was being watched. He quickly collected himself and did his best to saunter casually over to the pilots aid, but ended up walking in his sulking fashion. He cursed himself for not being able to summon his usual confidence around this man.

“There's a reason we require our mechanics to use gloves you know,” Ben explained in a soft, yet superior tone. “One would think the resistance’s top pilot would know that.” 

Slightly surprised, a smirked slowly appeared on the pilots lips, “Ben! Hey I didn't know you followed me out here but I'm glad to see ya-could you grab me one of those rags over there,” Poe just his head to gesture to a pile of soiled rags heaped on his work table.

He quickly turned away so the pilot would not see the blush creeping up on his cheeks, the pilot was pleased to see him! He then hastily made his way over to the rags the pilot had indicated. Ben sneered as attempted to find the cleanest one, only holding it between two fingertips. “You'll most definitely get an infection from this you should really see the infirm-”

“Nah, there's no need for that,” Poe said as he waved Ben's suggestion away, “this'll do just fine.” Ben watched as the pilot tied the dirty rag around his palm. “See, all fixed now!” 

Ben shook his head, “This will not do, wait a moment and try not to bleed out,” He paced back to a med-kit that was not too far back, and found clean wrappings and some Bacta gel.

When he returned to the pilot, he was already back to repairing the mechanism that had sliced open his hand. With a roll of his eyes Ben kneeled down next to the pilot and took the piece out of hands. “Alright, focus for a moment so I can clean out that cut,” Ben took pulled his hand close to his face look at it closer, slowly taking off the rag. Being as gentle as he was capable of, Ben methodically cleaned the cut out and slowly wrapped the hand up. He did his best to not let his hands linger, but he couldn't help but relish the close contact. His hands were rough, the hands of a man who worked them often, hands if a man who knew how to use them..

Realizing he was just holding the pilot's hand in his own, he quickly dropped it and starting wiping his own hands clean. “I hope you've got some sense to keep this clean until it heals,” he said, avoiding the pilot's eyes, “The bacta doesn't take that long to work so just try to be a bit careful.”

Ben suddenly stiffened as he felt the pilot's hand on his shoulder, “Thanks Ben,” the pilot said with a genuine smile, “without you my hand probably would've fallen off by morning!” He then embraced Ben in an awkward hug, seeing as they were both still sitting on the floor. “You're a good kid, you know.” The pilot’s spoke right next to Ben’s face, he could feel the heat of his breath on his neck. 

Ben turned his head just slightly and muttered, “You're very welcome,” his lips barely brushing against the pilot’s cheek. Ben felt the pilot become still, his breathing hitched and heart suddenly racing. Ben felt triumphant, Poe was reacting to his touch!

Then just as sudden the pilot let go, and Ben noticed that he seemed to push himself away every so slightly. The pilots cheeks were flushed and eyes dilated, yet Ben could sense that the pilots sudden excitement was slowly being replaced with unease. The pilot gave a shaky laugh, “Ah, well, yeah… Thanks again, I should really get back to working on this… I'll, uh, I'll see you around Solo,” 

Ben watched as the pilot picked up the X-Wing part and slowly made his way towards the barracks. Ben's joy at his unexpected success was fading away with each step the pilot took away from him. He slowly stood up, almost in a daze. Quickly he made us way out through the opposite side of the hangar, he could feel his failure turning into anger. He swiftly passed by the Generals meeting room, he could barely sense her confusion and concern at his sudden appearance and clear distress. 

Ben was practically running by the time he made it into his room. While he was normally able to at least keep up a facade of composure even in the most testing of situations, he now let his rage flow freely. His few personal possessions flew across the room, some denting the walls, others breaking on impact. His small metal desk crumbed in on itself. The window, outlooking the small ocean the base saw set next to, cracked then shattered. The raw power of Ben’s force abilities was wreaking havoc in the confined space.

Nearly as soon as his force-fueled outburst started, it was over. He fell to his knees, exhausted, shoulders heaving with every deep breath. He wiped his face (when had he started crying?), embarrassed of his lack of control. He knew he was better than this. Stronger than this. 

In the moments following, as he began to regain a sense of calm, he surveyed the destruction in the room. A smugness began to rise within him. Here was the physical evidence of his powers, powers that should've earned him his spot in Luke's new jedi academy years ago. He had been denied so much; his mother rarely took on the nurturing role that she should have, his father basically never around to try and be a parent, they didn't let him have the childhood everyone else was entitled to. He had been held back from going to train as a Jedi for fear that his powers might become too great to control. Now this, the pilot was refusing to give himself to Ben. 

Ben sat and meditated on the pilot, surrounded by his own destruction. He would have him. He smiled to himself as he imagined how it would be when that time came.


	3. Chapter 3

Ben awoke early the next morning after a restless sleep. He had decided to start early on his morning meditations and exercises, attempting to master the one thing he'd been given direction to improve: sensing and using the Force.

As he walked out of the Resistance base, toward a small clearing near the ocean's edge, Ben remembered the first time Luke taught him to feel the Force around him. From a young age, Ben always knew he could sense something around himself, invisible but somehow tangible to his mind. His progress had been very surprisingly fast. Once Luke helped him to concentrate properly, Ben could touch that invisible sensation. He learned quickly that objects could be manipulated through the Force and soon, he learned that people could be manipulated as well.

After many long, heated arguments between his parents and Luke, they decided to hold off Ben's Jedi training. While Ben never got a straight answer for being denied the lessons, he knew his parents feared his potential. During the arguments, words like unbalance, dark side, and Vader were thrown around. Even though Ben never really cared deeply for the Resistance or the Republic, he was upset that his own parents thought he would turn against them so readily. This assumption had lead him to other conclusions as well. Ben realized he was stronger than them. His mother decided not to focus on her Force abilities while Luke wanted to restart the old Jedi traditions (instead of following his instincts for training the new generation of Jedi differently), and his father, he had always just been weak and a coward. This had to be why they feared him mastering his teachings...

Ben reached his usual training spot, a stretch of beach with a ring of thin, leafy trees encircling the area. The fine sand beneath Ben's bare feet was damp with early morning dew. Ben grasped his force pike, the training weapon he chose in place of the lightsaber, which he apparently had not yet earned. He breathed deeply, attempting to dismiss the anger that was slowly rising within him. His temper tended to be his biggest weakness while attempting to concentrate on the fragile connection to the Force. 

Ben slowly began to walk through a series of moves and exercises, designed to discipline his body's endurance and develop and strengthen his mind's relationship to the Force. He made sure each pose and every action was carried out with perfect execution. As the sun rose above the horizon, his movements became more deliberate, more intense. He quickly removed his shirt, feeling it had become too restraining, and shivered slightly at the chilled morning air coming into contact with his heated skin. Calculated moves caused the pike to spin and twirl, hitting every mark of the drill precisely. Ben pushed his physical limits, while at the same time using his mind to stretch out the sensation of the Force around him. 

The observations started simple, the feel of the warm sunlight on his back, the slight rustle of his pant legs against his skin as a breeze came over the clearing, aware of nearly every grain of sand that shifted beneath his feet. Expanding his senses, he then felt the light-like life that came from the minds of the small creatures and insects that inhabited the area around him. He knew with just a thought he could put out the lights of their pathetic lives... Sighing, he quickly pushed the feelings of destruction out of his mind, he had much more to concentrate on.

Ben focused his breathing, concentrating on the thin line of the Force that he held onto. Sweat began to bead on his brow, his black hair beginning to stick to the back of his neck. His muscles began to tense with the effort of what he was doing, stretching his Force abilities further and further out. Soon he began to feel larger lights, the minds of the people of people that lived in the Resistance base. Ben pushed his focus further, searching specifically for his prey.

Maneuvering his mind around all the other useless consciousnesses, Ben finally found the one he desired, the pilot. Ever so gently, as to not alert the pilot to Ben’s presence in his mind, he began to sift through the pilot's current thoughts. Ben was overly please to know that the pilot was thinking about him… no, the pilot was looking for him!

Using the subtle influence of the Force, Ben left an impression of his current location in the pilots conscious. Once done, he softly removed himself from the pilot’s mind, just keeping enough contact to see if he took the bait. 

Abruptly he could tell his hold on the Force was beginning to bend, his endurance nearly spent as the seconds turned to minutes. Ben's black hair was now drenched in sweat, his muscles twitching from the increasing burn that was threatening to break his hold on the Force. He knew he has over exerted himself but he was determined to keep his hold on this mental connection.

Ben was suddenly rewarded for his efforts, and let go of his clutch on the Force connection. A twisted smile appeared on the teens face. He sensed that the pilot had decided to come and look for him here. He prepared to be ready for his prize.


	4. Chapter 4

Ben allowed his body to relax in the wake of his success. He had planted the idea of coming out here in the pilot's mind, without being suspected, and the pilot would soon be alone with him. He went to the ocean's edge, and splashed the cool, slightly salty water on his face. He didn't have much time to refresh himself, but he could at least attempt to make himself appear decent. He quickly combed his fingers through his now wet and tangled hair, trying to give himself a look of casual effortlessness. Frowning internally, he hoped it wouldn't be too obvious that he was attempting to mimicking the pilot’s constant casual look…

Striding back to the clearing, Ben sensed the area around him-the pilot was close. He quickly sat down, crossed legged, in the basic meditation pose, and waited, closing his eyes doing his best to keep the smirk of anticipation off his face. 

He didn't have to wait long. First he heard the sound of sand crunching beneath boots, then, “Ben?”

Ben slowly opened his eyes and couldn't help but smile at the pilot. “Hello, Poe,” he said in a low tone.

“Hey, buddy, I was out looking for ya. Since you weren't around the base I figured I'd come and have a look out here,” the pilot then held out his hand to help Ben up.

Ben lithely stood up, ignoring the pilots help. Amused, he noticed the pilot looking over Ben's frame. Ben had always been lanky and awkward as a young teen, but as the years past and he began his physical training, his thin body became toned with lean, angular muscles. He could sense that the pilot didn't disapprove of what he saw. Ben threw his hand over his heads, stretching catlike in front of the pilot, tempting him to keep looking. 

The pilot's eyes momentarily widened, then he shook his head with a small laugh, “Ben, look, I came out here to talk to you, do you have a sec?”

“Of course,” Ben replied, eager to hear what the pilot had to say. 

The pilot’s light smile became strained, forced even. His eyes now down cast. “Listen, Ben, last night something became apparent to me,” 

Ben stiffened. He hadn't been expecting this sudden negative response.

“I can't help but notice that you may have, ah, developed feelings for me… and while flattered, Ben, this just wouldn't work.” The pilot met Ben's eyes, a look of sadness there.

No, Ben realized, not sadness, it was a look of pity. Ben could feel the embarrassment and anger rising in him. Standing here in front of the pilot that so easily refused him, Ben felt too exposed. He hurriedly turned away, reaching down to snatch up his forgotten shirt-ready to run and disappear from this moment.

“Ben, wait-let me explain,” the pilot grabbed him by the wrist. Ben had an unexpected desire to break that hand, but hesitated, and let himself be stopped. He did twist his arm out from the pilot's grasp, and ungraciously plopped to the ground, arms hugging his legs to his chest. 

“Ben, will you at least hear me out?” The pilot asked as he himself sat down by Ben’s side. Ben said nothing, the pilot took that silence for a yes. “You've got to understand kid, I've got a number of things going on,” 

Ben rolled his eyes and snorted, knowing he was just being fed some sad excuse. 

“No really, just listen,” the pilot started to explain. “I haven't been with the Resistance all that long, but, do you know why I was recruited in the first place?” 

Ben stayed silent. He actually did not know that the pilot had been sought out, he had assumed that with the pilot’s parents being apart of the Rebel Alliance, that he has signed up himself. 

“You see, after completing the flight academy a few years back, I immediately signed up to be apart of the New Senate's fleet. It's what my parents had fought to restore, and I wanted to do my part to keep it going. I had graduated early, top of my class, so I had been given the opportunity to lead and chose my own squad. One of people I picked to fly under me was Muran. We met while in the academy. We were two very different people, but our differences had a way of complimenting each other. And he soon became more than a friend. He was my partner, my world, my everything for those few years…”

Ben continued to look away from the pilot, gripping his knees tighter to his chest as jealousy rolled through him in waves. He didn't know the pilot was with someone else-he had never seen the pilot show anyone that sort of affection. Ben knew he was slipping deeper into his sulking mood but couldn't help being envious of not being the pilot's first choice. The pilot then sighed heavily, pulling Ben out of his self-pity.

“It was all my fault. I've gone over that day a thousand times and I don't know how I could've prevented what happened, but I know somehow there had to of been a way… we were out doing patrols. Boring work really, especially for a team with our skills. We had received a distress call, and of course we were eager to do just about anything, to see some small bit of action… When we came out hyperspace we saw the crippled freighter, surrounded by a convoy of TIE Fighters from the First Order,” the pilot practically spat out the last two words, clearly indicating his immense hatred for the mysterious yet sinister group.

“We had them running,” the pilot's voices became strained. “The four of us had taken out the majority of the TIEs and we knew we had won the day…”

The pilot's voice now barely a whisper, “The troopers that had boarded the freighter decided to flee, Muran was too close to the ship and his X-Wing was shredded to pieces in the wake of the freighters jump to hyperspace… He didn't have a chance to eject before his ship just…”

Ben looked at the pilot when his voice hitched. The pilot looked years older in that moment. The humor that was usually found in his eyes was gone, replaced by a haunting emptiness. Dark rings became more pronounced under those eyes, all remnants of the pilot's smile had vanished. Ben felt and unfamiliar stirring within, he wanted to make sure the pilot's smile did return.

Surprising even himself, Ben reached out for the pilot's hand, grasping it encouragingly. Ben sensed the pilot's dark thoughts lightening just a touch. The very corner of the pilot's lips raised just slightly, a look which suited him better than the former detachment it replaced. The pilot gently squeezed Ben's hand back, and didn't pull away.

“That happened a little over six months ago,” the pilot's voice still wavered, but slowly became more steady. “Soon after the… incident, I broke protocol and sought out the bastards that did this. I could've gotten myself and the rest of my squad killed but I could just let them continue roaming the galaxy unchecked and unpunished. I should've been grounded permanently, hell, court marshalled even. Instead I got a mysterious invitation, from the General, and I decided that the Resistance was better suited for me and my passions.”

The two of them sat there in a comfortable silence. Ben studied the pilot's face, he was looking out over the ocean, a calm thoughtfulness had replaced the tortured look in his eyes. He then looked at their still entwined hands, his pale skin in contrast to the pilot's warm tan. Two very different tones, but Ben thought they still went together beautifully. He settled closer to the pilot, then Ben rested rested his head on the pilot's shoulder, sensing the pilot was taking as much comfort in the physical contact as he was.

It was the pilot that eventually broke the quiet between them, “Well, that's my story and I hope you can see where I'm coming from Solo-”

Ben didn't mean to do it, it was just a gut reaction, but he clutched his hands into fists at being called his father's name, forgetting that his left hand was now contracting around the pilot's. 

The pilot gave him a questioning look at his reaction, and Ben relaxed and slowly drew his hand away. “Sorry, but, I don't like being called ‘Solo’. It's not a name I would've chosen for myself if I was given a choice…”

“Can I ask you Ben, what happened between you and your parents? I know it's personal and I'm sorry to put you on the spot like this, but it just doesn't add up to me,”

Ben frowned, he hadn't told anyone of his true feelings towards his parents. It was obvious that when the three of them were ever together, the tension was palpable. 

“It's alright Ben,” the pilot smiled encouragingly, “you can trust me.”

The pilot then reach out to take Ben's hand this time, and his heart raced. The pilot wanted to listen to him, he could sense his curiosity. Ben wanted to keep the pilot's attention, and wanted to keep the pilot to himself for a little while longer. He thought for a moment, pondering where to begin his story…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty so I know the timeline isn't quite canon (pretty sure they didn't wait until Ben was 17 to have him train with Luke and I know Poe was older than 20 when he joined the resistance), but I've needed to tweak a few things to make the story work lol!! 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed a little fluff and a little feels!! Wanted to give everyone a nice break before diving deeper into Ben's mind >:3


	5. Chapter 5

Starting slowly, but rapidly gaining speed, Ben began to tell the pilot of his unconventional childhood. He had never divulged the details of his past to anyone, and he tried to not let his emotions come out in disarray.

“The main source of contention,” Ben began with a sigh, “is the fact that from the beginning, I have always been compared to my parents. I didn't ask to be hidden by their long shadow and I haven't been given the chance to step out of it either. My every accomplishment, my every failing, my personality traits, even something so simple as to what I choose to eat is always credited directly to them. It must sound trivial to you but it is hell not being able to recognized as your own person. I’m only a scholar and an exceptional Force wielder because my mother has made me so. I'm angry and unreliable specifically because my father has made me so. Everything I have tried in life has apparently been, and will continue to be, shaped by only them.”

Ben could hear the bitterness rising in his voice, “Every time I have attempted to make my own path it has only been met with displeasure and disappointment. I have never been remarkable enough to gain either of my parents approval. They've both attempted to set me on paths to greater myself, only to have them tear me away when there's the slightest possibility of me failing their expectations.” 

“They wanted me to be the next hope for the New Republic, for the Resistance,” Ben’s tone was now dejected, “and that's what I thought I wanted as well… Until they began to fear me…”

“Wait, wait,” The pilot interrupted, “The General-I mean your mother and father don't fear you, you're their son!” 

Ben let out a bitter laugh at the honest disbelief in the pilot's tone. “Oh is that what you think? That an invisible link has bonded my parents to me under any circumstances? Making them unable to posses any negative sentiment towards their one and only son? That because they've led the galaxy into a distorted sense of harmony and contentment that they are above such abhorrent thoughts?!”

Ben swiftly stood up, his rage forcing his body to move. He paced the small clearing, wringing his hands together, practically yelling his next words, “I was a child! I can barely remember the time before I started to truly feel the Force around me, but I can remember with perfect clarity the moment they started to avoid looking directly at me. When they began to speak in whispers and suddenly become silent when they noticed me in the same room! The beloved Han Solo basically left, clearly not needing his monster of a son always around to sully his reputation. Oh, and the savior of the Resistance, the General and former princess that everyone here worships? She was no better, ignoring her child to pursue her political and military career! Then, on top of every basic experience I was denied, they refused to let me train to become a Jedi! They claimed they could not possibly bear to have us separated. Then I was carelessly place in the hands of other teachers and caretakers who were warned of the depths of my supposed abnormalities! I was hidden away from other children, forced to be alone incase I corrupted them with my madness!”

Ben was panting, voice shaking with unrestricted emotion, “Through my imposed solitude she's tried to suppress my connection to the Force, I know it... The one thing I wish to learn and perfect. She won't tell me why, but when she looks at me she sees something else, an animal, that she clearly doesn't want…I didn't ask for this! I didn't want to be ignored and suppressed and doubted!”

Ben stood still, hands on his head, pulling at his hair in an attempt to get his anger under control. Fury and hatred was stirring up inside him, longing to released. The web of the Force around him began to constrict and fray. Then, as his inner tension rose to the breaking point, unexpected arms folded around him. He felt himself being pulling into the pilot's chest. Surprising himself, he lowered his head onto the pilot's shoulder and let out a shuddering breath that he hadn't realized he'd be holding in. 

“Ben, I'm sorry,” the pilot whispered. “I had no idea and I'm so sorry.”

Ben began to feel his anger subside, slowly simmering down back into the depths of his mind. He admitted to himself that the pilot's embrace was helping to calm him, bolster him. He relished in their closeness for a moment more, before taking a small step back, feeling the pilot's arms slowly fall away from him. 

“I apologize,” Ben said quietly, avoiding the pilot's eyes. “I didn't mean to let my temper control me like that-”

The pilot's finger gently grasped Ben's chin, making his meet his gaze. “Why are you apologizing? You're not wrong to be upset, Ben.” 

A relief flooded over him. Finally! Someone understood his pain and hurt! Someone else knew that he was not in the wrong! Admitted out loud that he was not in the wrong!

Ben felt triumphant in the realization that he was right. Triumphant and bold. He reached out and caressed the pilot's face, deliberately leaning in to--

“BEEPT BEEP-BOOP BRRUZZPT!” Loudly shattering his moment, a white and orange round droid rolled into the clearing, beeping loudly enough for the birds in the area to fly off in fright. 

Ben already held a strong disdain for droids After being raised around C3-P0, Ben questioned the sanity of any person who formed more than a strict working relationship with the machines. The pilot had one of those questionable relationships with this computerized ball. And at this moment Ben felt even more displeasure at it for stealing his perfect opportunity to win over the pilot.

“BB-8? What do you mean you were looking for me?” The pilot kneeled down in from of the droid, that continued buzzing and beeping rapidly in binary. “Ah, alright, I'll head over,” the pilot glanced back at Ben quickly. “No no, you go on BB, I'll be right behind you.”

The droid beeped its reply and went rolling rapidly back towards the Resistance base. Ben narrowed his eyes angrily at the retreating droid, having a very good idea of the message it has brought the pilot. 

The pilot stepped in front of Ben, who was now leaning on the trees surrounding the clearing. “Ben, don't sulk.” 

“I'm not sulking,” he was avoiding the pilot's eyes again. 

“The General needs me to lead a mission, You know I've got to go.”

“Oh yes, time to go off running at her every command--”

“Yes, Ben,” the pilot cut him off, “that is what I'm going to do because this is what I am here for. There's no one to be upset at for me needing to do my job. Now listen, I'm sure I'll be right back here. I'll make sure I see you first, so we can continue this conversation.”

This statement surprised Ben, “...Really?”

The pilot flashed Ben a roguish smirk and wink, followed by a clap on the shoulder before running off, “You won't even have a chance to miss me buddy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angsty Ben, we all knew it had to happen sometime ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	6. Chapter 6

For eleven days, Ben sulked around the Resistance base, becoming more and more sullen each day that the pilot did not return. 

Other than the fact that some sort of information needed to be secured from the Outer Rim, Ben didn't know exactly what the pilot was facing, and he was becoming anxious trying not to imagine the pilot in peril. The mission was classified, and he refused to ask his mother for more details. He cringed at the thought of her figuring out her son's interest in the pilot, and the probing questions that would inevitably follow.

Ben attempted to act as normal as possible, continuing his studies around the central hub, while discretely listening for any mention of his pilot. On day six he heard the pilot's name mentioned, casually and without worry in the speaker's voice. Ben tried to keep the distress out of his mind. Day nine the hub broke out into chaos, something had gone wrong somewhere, but no one had mentioned the pilot's name. Ben sensed that it was some other insignificant person that was the source of all the fuss, but he was still concerned. 

Day eleven was unreasonably quiet on the base. Ben was utterly irritated at the lack of interest from anyone about the pilot. He was the best in the Resistance, was he not? Shouldn't everyone be asking about him? It was the first time ever Ben had wished he had another acquaintance on the base, just so he could ask someone about the pilot…

The past few days he had taken to roaming the hangar, hoping he'd be there the moment the pilot returned. Unfortunately today that had come to an end. As he attempted to survey the hangar, a shout disrupted the relative quiet.

“Ben!” 

He internally shuddered. He knew that voice too well and did his best to always avoid the speaker, Han Solo. 

Unwillingly he turned to acknowledge his father. Han still had the face of his younger years, but the grey that began to creep into his hair the past few years revealed the smugglers truer age. He was holding an assortment of boxes and cargo, and clearly had taken too much for him to properly carry. 

“Hey kid, help your old man out? Alright?” Han smirked at his son, not wait for a reply and basically shoved the containers into him. “Gotta get this to the Falcon, she needs some parts for a few minor repairs.” 

Ben stayed silent as he followed his father to ship that always seemed to be in some sort of repair. He rolled his eyes at the thought of his father actually believing that he could fix the old bird once and for all. The Millennium Falcon was clearly the Resistance Fleets worst ship, if not the worst in the known galaxy. Ben could not believe how his father still dotted over the piece of junk.

Ducking slightly as he made his way up the runway, Ben looked around at the small loading area. He hadn't been on the ship in a few years, always declining to join his parents on any sort of diplomatic mission once he was old enough to be left alone. He was unsurprised to find nothing new or out of place on the ship. His father tended to be surprisingly sentimental, and he loved everything about this ship, exactly the way it was. Ben felt his already dour mood darkening, he hated the feeling of knowing that this ship was more important than he could ever be…

“You're really going to miss this place once your gone, kid.” Han said, as he stood next to son, admiring the Falcon.

Ben couldn't help but snort at his father's assumption. He set down his boxes while speaking lowly to himself, “There's nothing here to miss…”

“Aw come on Ben, this may not be the life you were hoping to live, but you gotta admit it's really not all that bad.”

“Well this is the life you have chosen,” Ben quickly retorted, “and you seem to always have the opinion that it really is that bad.”

Han just chuckled and shook his head, “You sound like your mother. You get your attitude from her, you know.”

Ben’s only response was a sneer, and turned to leave back down the runway. 

“Wait-Ben, come on don't leave yet,” Han reached out to stop him, but didn't actually touch Ben. “Come on now, you don't have much time left, let's try to be civil. Your mother trained us both how to behave properly at least”

Ben frowned in confusion, “What are you talking about?”

“Listen, kid, I know these past few years, you and I haven't exactly gotten along, we've both got our own things going on and we're two different people… But we both know things weren't always like that. We used to fly the Falcon together, just go wherever we wanted… And of course then your mother nearly killing me for not telling her where we were!”

As his father laughed, Ben did begin to recall these nearly forgetten memories of his childhood. He would sit in the co-pilot seat, in awe of the streaks of white-blue light from the hyperspace travel. Him absently listening to his father's tales of racing and smuggling, while he imagined himself out among the stars, making his those death defying maneuvers in a ship of his own. His father showing him the function of each and every button and switch in the cockpit after Ben teased him there was no way he knew them all...

“Anyways,” his father brought him out of his reverie, “all I'm tryin’ to say is, I'd like you to remember those good days when you go. Not focus on all the differences we've had.”

Ben stubbornly pushed the recollections out of his mind. He was confused and didn't need the extra distractions. “Why do you keep saying ‘when I'm gone’? Are you leaving?’

It was Han’d turn to be confused. “You-you haven't spoken to you mom today?”

“No…”

“Oh! Well then,” his father paused, then put on a smile, “I guess I get to be the first to tell ya! We received a transmission, Luke will be coming by soon, any day, to get you. You're going to go and train with him! You're finally going to become a Jedi!”

 

***************************

 

Ben had walked back to his room is a daze. Luke was coming for him. He was finally going to to train in the ways of the ancient Jedi. Soon, he would be able to start on the path of his destiny. 

Although a dark cloud was dimming this long awaited news. The pilot had not yet returned. Ben had no idea when Luke would be arriving, his father said it could be today or in a month, but he was on his way here. The pilots whereabouts were still unknown, he could return long after Ben left…

Ben crumpled to the floor once he was isolated in his room, absolutely torn between the two things he greatly desired. He was waited years, literally since the earliest he could remember, he had been waiting to train with Luke. He had prepared his mind and body everyday for this. He needed this escape to avoid a future of always living beneath his parents legacy. 

But the pilot…

He hungered for the pilot. Ben needed the man in a carnal way that Ben knew could not be suppressed. Since first meeting the pilot Ben had felt a stirring within that he had never been awoken before, a yearning that Ben didn't think he'd ever feel for another person. Ben had always been alone, he even enjoyed his solitude. The pilot changed all of that. He could not stand the thought of leaving without making the pilot his…

He collapsed onto his back, closed his eyes and attempted to collect his thoughts. As he lay there, he summoned an image of the pilot to his mind. He had tried to memorize every detail of his face. The dark stubble that shadowed his jaw, dark eyes that always held humor, his constant smug grin that seemed to be waiting for a chance to make suggestive comment or joke. He longed to know what that grin felt like pressed on his own lips…

Ben felt himself becoming aroused and was now annoyed with himself. He knew from experience that getting excited over thoughts and daydreams of the pilot would only leave him unsatisfied and frustrated. Fantasizing of the pilot was not enough. He was ready to have him…

He slowly breathed out while reaching for his connection to the Force. He decided to take a potentially huge risk, and attempt to feel for his mother's thoughts. She had to know where the pilot was, and her room wasn't too far away. It was pretty late and he was sure that's where she would be working at this time. The issue with his task was that Leia was trained to use the Force as well. He knew she wasn't nearly as receptive to it as he was, but if she was in concentration herself, Ben would be more than just caught. 

Ben slowly creeped the Force away from him, not sensing much at first. The hallways were empty at this hour. Concentrating, he pushed out further, ready to pull back in case his presence was recognized. As he came across the first light of life, he tentatively and carefully pried into their thoughts. He was immediately caught off guard by the rush of emotions he felt; excitement and exhilaration fueled by an adrenaline rush.It wasn't Leia's mind he had found. 

It was the pilot. And Ben was eager to find him before his high spirits wore down...


	7. Chapter 7

Ben decided to wait for the pilot to come to him. The quickest way back to the pilot's barracks would lead him right past Ben's room. Ben had dimmed his bedrooms lights and waited in his open door, trying to look casual as he leaned against the frame. 

From this position in the hallway, he would be the first thing the pilot would see when we turned the corner. He personally didn't need the vantage point to watch for the pilot: his excitement was was still palpable through the Force and Ben was feeding it into his own anticipation. Though he did donhis best to keep his composure, he would let nothing take this chance from him, least of all his own awkward actions. 

Time was passing by painfully slow, each minute felt like an hour, as Ben impatiently waited for the pilot to come his way. He knew that the pilot must be giving the General his mission report, and it was torture knowing the pilot was so tantalizing close while Ben could do nothing to bring the pilot to him quicker. 

A smile creeped onto Ben's face. He sensed the pilot was moving towards him. It wasn't long before he heard the pilot's steps echoing in the hallway, and then he was turning the corner and into Ben's view. 

He was causally walking, hands locked behind his head, humming some tune to himself. He was wearing old black boots, dark pants and shirt, with his old brown and red leather jacket. His black curls were even messier than usual, probably the result of him wearing his helmet for an extended period of time. The lack of care in his appearance had made him even more desirable. 

The pilot was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he was practically level with Ben before he noticed him. A look of surprise on the pilot's face was quickly replaced by a genuine grin.

“Ben! Hey buddy what're you doing out here so late?” The pilot came over and clapped him on his arm. “I've just landed from my mission and oh do I have a story to tell you!”

“Oh? A grand tale of adventure and heroism?” Ben sarcastically teased.

“Ha! More like a tale of malfunctioning droids and bar fights,” The pilot replied excitedly, as he leaned against the other side of Ben's door frame. “I fly all over the galaxy just to cause trouble apparently.” He was less than an arm's reach away. Ben could practically taste him already. “Everything was going exactly as planned until an R3 unit blew its circuits and ran into a Trandoshan, he nearly cracked his skull open falling over, then four of his scaley friends pop up outta nowhere-and because the droid technically belonged to me, the Trandoshans injuries were somehow my fault.”

Ben was only half listening. Now that the pilot was closer, Ben could see three thin cuts next to the pilot's left eye, that traveled into his hairline, and a dark shadow of a bruise that was beginning to fade around that eye. Ben stepped closer to look at it properly, then gently brushed his fingers under the pilot's eye. 

“What did this to you?” Ben whispered, a hint of possessiveness sounded in his voice at the thought of something hurting his pilot. 

“It's like I said,” the pilot replied in a low, deep whisper, “I was out causing trouble.” The pilot ended his explanation with a smirk and wink. 

It was too much for Ben. 

The wink, the smirk, the whisper, even his fucking sarcastic joke had undone all of Ben's previous restraint. His hand that was barely brushing the pilot's skin was now wrapped along the pilot's jaw, pulling him towards him as he kissed the pilot. Ben felt him stiffen in surprise, he could sense the pilot's hesitation. He grasped the pilot's face tighter to his, trying to urge the pilot into action with his lips. He then could feel the pilot begin to pull away, the hesitation turning to resolve. Ben was begging, screaming in his mind for the pilot to just give in! 

Then it was the pilot suddenly deepening the kiss. The pilot grasped Ben's shoulders and pulled him closer. His lips parted, and Ben felt a tongue glide across his bottom lip. He smiled as he allowed his lips to be parted, breathing in the taste of the pilot. 

Ben used his free hand to grab the pilot's hip, hard, and was rewarded with a low groan from the pilot. This spurred Ben on, and he quickly found the gap between shirt and pants, and he slid his hand across the bare skin of the pilot's back. His cold fingertips against the pilot's heated skin caused the pilot the break the kiss and gasp.

But the touch also seemed to break the moment for the pilot. Instead of pulling him closer, the pilot was using his grip on Ben's shoulders to slightly push him away. 

The pilot chuckled and bit his lip, his cheeks flushed but he was also avoiding Ben's eyes. “Ben, wow, listen, this is a great way to celebrate a successful mission but,” the pilot took a step back, “maybe we should slow down and take a breather.” He took another step away, dropping his hands from Ben's shoulders. 

Ben immediately felt the panic rising in him, things had taken a turn in a direction he did want to go in. He needed to act quickly. The pilot would not deny him. 

In desperation Ben grabbed the pilot's wrist and pulled him into his room. Caught off guard, the pilot stumbled after him, then was caught in Ben's arms. Ben heard the door quietly hiss shut, making the room even more dim. He slowly backed the pilot against the wall, one hand on either side of the pilot's neck. He used his height as an imposing advantage, towering over his quarry. 

The pilot started to weakly protest, “Ben, I--” but he was cut off by Ben's lips hungrily finding his again. Ben could sense the want and need for this release in the pilot's mind, nearly as strong as Ben's need, but he could also sense barriers going up in the pilot's mind. Ben sensed the growing doubt, guilt, alarm, and even fear within the pilot. And those emotions were going to overpower the pilot's desire to have Ben. 

“You want this, Poe,” Ben whispered reassuringly, his lips purposefully brushing the pilot's ear, causing him to shiver.

“I shouldn't, Ben-” the pilot was quieted again, this time Ben had put two fingers over his mouth. 

Ben drew himself up to his full height, one hand still over the pilot's mouth, the other gripping his neck, just tight enough to let him know he wasn't going anywhere. Ben used the Force behind his words this time, sure that it would convince the pilot that he was right. “You want this Poe. You want me.” 

That did it. Ben sensed his power tearing down the barriers that had been holding the pilot back. Now unrestrained, the pilot nearly threw himself at Ben, quickly wrapping one hand around the back of his head, the other on his lower back, now aggressively kissing Ben. 

He was caught off guard by the pilot's untethered passion. Within a moment he suddenly found himself and the pilot shirtless, almost dizzy with the realization that he was not sure how they got this way. Then Ben was being lowered onto his own bed. Normally he would never allowed himself to be led in such a way, but in this case he was willing to relinquish the control of the situation. He knew he was inexperienced here, and he needed this to go right. 

The pilot had kicked off his boots then lowered himself on top of Ben. He rested on his elbows as he started a trail of kisses up Ben's chest, to his neck, then stopped by lightly biting at his ear. He whispered, “Is this what you wanted, Ben?”

“Yes!” Ben weakly replied as the pilot's words sent chills down Ben's spine. The pilot pulled back to look at Ben, his grin just visible in the low light. Ben reached out and caressed the pilot's face, entwined his fingers in those unruly curls and pulled him back. “Take me,” Ben could heard his quiet words filled with the influence of the Force, demanding the pilot to fulfill his request. 

The pilot was eager to comply. In seemingly one swift movement, the pilot had both of them undressed. Ben wished that it was both brighter and darker in the room. On one hand he wished to fully take in the pilot's body, which was already more impressive than he imagined; tan skin stretched over a broad and toned torso that was impossible to not touch. On the other hand though, Ben felt nervous of what the pilot would think about his slender, pale frame. Ben's fears were dispelled almost immediately as the pilot ran his rough hand down the sides of his chest, waist and hips, and he sensed the pilot was as satisfied with his view as much as Ben was satisfied with his. 

Ben closed his eyes and groaned softly when the pilot suddenly grasped his cock, slowly stroking it. His hands holding desperately onto the pilot's arms, as he tried to control himself in the wake of this unexpected pleasure. The pilot worked him so perfectly, as if he had always knew exactly was pleased Ben. He then propped one of Ben's legs over his shoulder, and using his free hand he quickly entered Ben.

Unwilling, Ben let out a sharp gasp, the sudden pain was unexpected. The pilot immediately slowed, “I'm sorry Ben,” he whispers, kissing him sweetly, “I'll be slower this time, I promise.”

The pilot was true to his word. He was gentle and patient, slowly working and stretching Ben until the pain subsided and the pleasure took over. Ben shuddered and whined over the pilot's expert touch, begging him for more. The pilot easily gave into Ben's pleading. 

“Are you ready, Ben?” The pilot was biting his lip, with more than a hint of concern in his whisper. 

Ben reached out and smoothed out the pilot's lip with his thumb, then ran his hand down his cheek and nodded his affirmation. 

The pilot entered him slowly, and Ben felt a sensation unlike any he had previously experienced. The pilot thrusted carefully and steadily, while a low burn and pleasurable ecstasy coursed through Ben. He grabbed at the pilot's back, unaware that his grip was leaving shallow scratches down the tanned skin. He tangled his fingers in to pilot's hair, finally able to relish its thickness and silky texture. His hips bucked at nearly every move the pilot made. 

Ben's exploring hands and physical reactions seemed to encourage the pilot. His hips began to move faster, harder. It took all that was left of Ben's control to not cry out, the pilot felt too good inside of him. He tried pulling the pilot closer to him, crazed by the heat and scent and feel of the pilot surrounding him completely. The pilot's panting near his ear, the dampness of his hair mixing with sweat, the pulse of his heart and tensing of his muscles under Ben's hands. He groaned louder as each sensation affected him more strongly than the last. 

The pilot sped up his rhythm even more and caught Ben off guard. Ben couldn't help but throw back his head and yell out incoherently. He felt the pilot caress his exposed throat, fingers lingering near his jaw. 

“Is this what you want,” the pilot teased as he slowed his rhythm while also ramming himself even harder into Ben.

“Yes!” He cried out, “ yes, please don't stop Poe, please!”

The pilot grabbed his arms, and used him as leverage to add more force behind his movements. Ben was panting now, he could feel beads of sweat dripping down the sides of his face. The pleasure building up within was nearly too much, his hands clawing at the bed beneath him trying to anchor himself. He couldn't look at the pilot anymore, just the sight of him would send him over the edge. 

“Poe,” Ben barely grasped out, “Poe, I--don't stop!!”

Ben did look at him when the pilot started pumping his cock again, harder this time. The pilot's darkened eyes and lustful smirk was too much for him to handle, he had reached his limit. With an involuntary guttural scream, back arched high, hands clawing at the pilot's arms, Ben came hard onto his chest. 

The pilot increased his speed and within seconds finished inside of Ben with a loud, deep moan escaping his lips. The pilot was still for a moment, trying to catch his breath. After propping himself up, Ben thought to himself that he'd never seen such a glorious sight. The pilot kneeling before him, still inside him, with one of Ben's legs thrown over his shoulder, chest heaving with each deep inhale, black curls a disheveled mess, skin slightly glistening in the pale moonlight illuminating the room. He was truly something to behold.

Slowly, the pilot eventually pulled himself out of Ben, then stretched out on the bed next to him, one arm dangling off the side of the bed, the other thrown over his eyes. 

“Well,” the pilot said in a husky chuckle, “That was not exactly how I saw my night going.”

Ben rolled onto his side, so he was nestled right into the pilot's side. “It was exactly how I hoped my night would turn out.” Ben practically purred. “I have waited far too long for this, my pilot.”

Ben raised his arm a few inches to look at Ben, eyebrows raised in question.

Ben just shrugged and made himself more comfortable, curling his body into the pilot's side, his head resting on his chest. He could just barely sense through his now weak connection with the Force that the pilot wanted to get up for some reason, and was considering leaving. Ben planted his hand firmly on the pilot's chest. 

“Just stay here for a moment,” Ben yawned, suddenly exhausted from the night's activities and the lack of restful sleep that had plagued him the past week. “I'm not quite ready to let you leave, pilot.”

Ben reached up to stroke the pilot's stubbled cheek one last time before sleep forced his eyes closed.


	8. Chapter 8

The bright light from the early sunrise stirred Ben awake. Yawning and rolling onto his back, he attempted to stretch out his muscles but then hissed at the unexpected ache felt throughout his body. After a brief moment of confusion it hit him, all the memories from the night before came flooding into the forefront of his mind. He quickly scanned the room, half expecting the pilot to be waiting for him, but found himself alone. 

Ben frowned at the fact that the pilot hadn't woken him before leaving. Although he soon realized the most likely reason for the pilot's departure. He himself was in desperate need of a shower, and he imagined the pilot must've had a similar thought. He would forgive the pilot this one time he supposed, he thought humorously to himself.

Ben stepped into his private refresher. As he waited for the water to warm, he looked himself over in the mirror. His hair was an absolute disaster. As he attempted to untangle the mess, he started to blush at the thought of what his pilot's hair must look like after Ben had finally had his hands in it...

He hesitated momentarily before stepping under the water. He had to admit to himself that he would miss the scent of the pilot on him, a distinct musk that was intoxicating. Quickly he shook the sentimental thoughts away, he would have many more opportunities to relish in the pilot again, of that he was sure.

As Ben washed, he tried to find an acceptable reason to go find the pilot so early. He was probably still asleep, drained from a long mission and an eventful night. Ben could not be made to wait to see him again. He had been patient ever since he had decided that he would have the pilot, shortly after they had been introduced. Ben endured through the pilot's endless flirts, winks and smirks, all while waiting for him to make his move. Clearly, the pilot just needed Ben to act first, and he was more than willing to continue taking the initiative.

Getting dressed, he was still trying to put together a halfway convincing reason to show up at the pilot's door before he even had a chance to recover. Then his perfect excuse happened to catch his eye. Crumpled halfway under his bed, was the pilot's old leather jacket. Ben don't know the story behind it, but knew the pilot was rarely seen without it. He knew that it would be missed, and Ben expected a reward for its safe return.

He dressed quickly, but gave his hair a little extra care, wanting to make sure his appearance didn't give away last night’s activities. He secured the jacket under his arm and headed out. With the slightest hint of a swagger to his step, his confidence had clearly been boosted by his successful night. He hoped it would lead to a satisfying morning as well.

Of course, too soon his plans were halted. He didn't even make it through the hallway when he spotted his mother heading his way. Scowling, he knew there was no way to avoid an interaction. 

“Mother,” Ben dryly addressed her. She may be revered by everyone else, but that didn't require him to worship the once princess now turned General. 

“I'm happy I found you this morning Ben,” she said as she hugged him while he just stiffly endured it. “It seems like you've been avoid me son, I haven't seen you or had a chance to speak with you in ages”

“I've been busy, mother, with my studies and meditations,” Ben did his best to not roll his eyes at her. “I've got much to prepare for.”

“Oh you've studied enough, why don't you spend the day with me? And your father? You'll be taken from me soon, and I haven't the faintest idea how long my brother has decided to keep you isolated away.”

Ben furrowed his brows, unable to keep the frustration off his face. He didn't see how he could get out of this. 

“Please Ben,” his mother grabbed onto his hand. “Let just try to have at least one last civil meal together.” 

“Fine.” Ben agreed, seeing how this would most likely be the least painful offer he was going to get. “Where should I met you?”

“Well it is still a bit early, why don't you come by my quarters in an hour? I'll have your father decent by then.”

Ben nodded and attempted to escape. He barely made it past her when she asked, “Whose jacket is that?”

Ben could feel his face heating up. Without turning to face the General he replied as casually as he was capable, “I believe it belongs to that pilot, Poe Dameron. I found it laying about and didn't think this base needed any more clutter…”

“I thought it looked familiar. I just debriefed him on his latest mission, he returned to the base too late for me to get the whole story last night. I thought he looked like he was missing something…”

Ben could feel her eyes boring into the back of his head. He still refused to face her, knowing she could read him easily. 

She paused for just a moment more. “Dameron has just left the hangar. I believe he mentioned something about calibrating a few flight settings on his X-Wing? I don't think he'll be long.”

He felt her linger for just a few more seconds before she walked away. Ben was rooted to the spot in panic. Did she know? Could she really tell just from a few exchanged words? He hastily returned to his room, there was no point in delivering the jacket if the pilot wasn't there. He sat in the silence of his room, attempting to regain his composure, while also not dwelling on last night's events that had happened there. He would soon be alone with the two people he least wanted to figure out his secret.

*********************

Uncomfortable. That was the simplest word Ben could use to describe his current situation. His parents and he had gotten through nearly half the meal with only meaningless pleasantries and stretches of silence. Then his mother had brought up the Falcon, which immediately made his father defensive. 

Ben did his best to endure silently through the bickering. Taking sides was no use because he didn't agree with either of them, and voicing his opinion would just increase the tension. As he sat and tuned out their voices, Ben stared out the window that was across from him, wondering if his pilot had returned yet…

“Ben?” His father addressed him, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“Sorry, yes?”

“As I was saying, Ben, we were thinking of going with you, when you leave with Luke. Get a few extra days with you, spend some time with our Jedi Master friend.” Han chuckled. “You wouldn't mind having us for company right?”

“Yes,” Ben responded sourly, “I would mind.” He could not believe there wanted to continue to coddle him, even though this! He could not contain his frustration with their interference any longer. 

“For nearly twelves years you've kept me from leaving with Luke because of your supposed desire to see me through my childhood.” Ben could feel the years of resentment start to spill from his lips, and he could do nothing to halt himself now. “Now after being held back due to your own selfish wishes, I have missed critical years of training and learning. And for what? To be all but ignored by the both of you! You've both been so busy with your careers and an insatiable need to continue to save the Galaxy. I do not see where I have fit in that entire time. Then, I've had to endure your constant arguing! Going back and forth, disagreeing at every insignificant thing! It never ends between you two! I've come to believe that you do it just to annoy the other now!”

Han and Leia both quickly looked at each other, the shock of their sons outburst clear on their faces. They had clearly not expected his response. 

His father decided to speak first, “Kid, listen, things have never been like that-”

“Ha!” Ben interrupted. “So you're lying to yourselves now as well. That's good to know.” He dramatically rolled his eyes. “What I have never understood is why you two continue the charade. I'm positive your union isn't what's keeping the galaxy held together.”

Ben crossed his arms and stared at his parents, waiting for whatever poor excuse they were going to try and feed him. 

“Ben, i know our marriage seem a bit, confrontational at times,” his mother began to explain, “but it's not out of bitterness-”

“Nevermind,” Ben interrupted. “I don't want to hear your sad reasonings for this.”

“Ben Solo you asked and I'm attempting to give you an answer,” Leia replied aggressively, causing Ben to stare at her in surprise now. “We're not perfect. We know that. Do not act like we haven't attempted to do right by you, Ben.” She stared expectantly at him, almost as if she was daring him to contradict her. 

“Besides, kid,” Han started, trying to diffuse the tension, “when did you suddenly get expert experience on how a relationship is supposed to be? Got some flawless romantic companion you've been hiding from us.”

He was silenced by the question, knowing very well he couldn't give his father any sort of answer. Ben kept a straight face, but made one critical error. Instead of keeping eye contact with his father, he briefly glanced at the General. The smug look on her face told him anything. Her suspicions had most definitely been confirmed. 

He felt his face begin to flush. Blood rushing to his cheeks as he became cornered by both his parents. It was time for him to go.

Ben Cleared his throat. “This is all beside the point. You asked if you could accompany me and I would like to refuse your request. My fate has been guided by the two of you for far too long and I do not wish to be leashed any longer than I must.” 

Ben stood up, sarcastically thanked them for the meal, then stalked out of the room, leaving his parents confused and hurt.

Ben chuckled quietly to himself. At least he got the small satisfaction of knowing his parents were feeling the same way he had always felt after dealing with them.


	9. Chapter 9

Ben realized he had been walking aimlessly around the base for some time now. It was late into the evening, and the members of the Resistance were either heading to the mess hall or back to their quarters. Apparently Ben's anger at his parents and frustration at the pilot's disappearance had him distracted from the passage of time.

He was tired and hungry. He willed himself to move towards the mess hall to at least put some nutrients in him. That and his path would lead him through the hangar, so that he could check one last time for his pilot. 

Slouching through the hallways while glaring at the few people that passed him, he made his way towards the hangar. Throughout the day he had been using the Force to watch the hangar and sense for when the pilot returned, but stopped a bit ago since the act was quite tiring for him to hold onto for extended periods. Ben considered using it now, but decided there was no point in further exhausting himself since the pilot most likely would not be there. Ben clearly had no luck for things going his way that day.

When he passed by the pilot's normal corner of the banger he barely glanced at it, loath to confirm the empty spot where the black and orange X-Wing normally sat. Not a moment later he paused his sulking gait and turned. There he was, his pilot! Almost hidden by his ship, he was hunched over a small work table, leaning on his elbows, chin resting in one hand as he studied something placed before him. 

Ben cautiously checked the hangar for any other persons, verifying the two of them were alone. He had to stop himself from nearly skipping over to the pilot, he was so suddenly elated at his appearance. As he got closer, he could see dark circles under the pilot's eyes, made worse by the bruise that still lingered there. Clearly the pilot was exhausted, yet here he was flying around and not resting. Ben felt a bit irked that the pilot wasn't taking better care of himself. 

He could practically touch him before the pilot noticed Ben beside him. The look of mild shock on his pilot's face put a smile on Ben's. The pilot straightened himself up and surprise was replaced with a chuckle and small smile.

“Ben, I wasn't expecting you to sneak up on me like that. Guess I'm more tired than I thought,” the pilot punctuated his point with a deep yawn. 

“I wasn't sneaking,” Ben replied. “I've been waiting for you to return to the base nearly all day. You've kept me waiting. I had something of yours that I wanted to return to you,” Ben stepped closer and let one hand slide slowly across the pilot's jaw, enjoying the feel of the rough stubble against his palm. 

The pilot lazily closed his eyes, ever so slightly leaning into Ben's touch. He then sighed, and to Ben's surprise, he stepped back. “Ben, we need to talk,”

Quickly Ben closed the gap, not wanting him to slip away again, leaned in close to the pilot's face whispering, “What would you like to talk about, Poe?”

Quietly chuckling, the pilot grasped Ben's arms and gently pushed him out to his arms length. “Ahahaha, oh Ben Solo, clearly we need to talk about this. About us.” He looked sternly at Ben, but still with a hint of a smile on his lips. “Can you be serious for five minutes?”

Ben playfully rolled his eyes at the pilot, “I suppose, if you need me to be.”

“Alright alright,” the pilot began, as he pushed himself up to sit on the work table behind him, “just hear me out, and actually listen to me this time, okay?”

Ben raised his eyebrows, “When was I ignoring you?” 

“The last time we talked, Ben. Well, not last night, obviously, we didn't do much talking… But before that, outside by the shore. I was attempting to get it through to you that this,” the pilot gestured to the both of them, “this I wasn't exactly ready for. And last night, I'm sorry but, I have no idea what came over me. I really had no intention on letting things escalate like that. I almost feel like my thoughts were just a blur, but I can now see that my heart and my brain aren't communicating as well as they should be…” 

Ben kept a straight face, debating on whether or not to tell the pilot that it was he that helped him see what he really wanted. Was now the time for that? Would there be a time for that?

“...I guess what I'm really trying to get at here is, do you really want this?” 

“Well of course-”

The pilot cut him off, “Honestly, Ben, I gotta know if you are serious. I'm not really the type to have a fling and forget about it the next day. Apparently there is something happening here, and while I didn't think I wanted it to happen so quickly, it did. And now that we've gotten to this point, I'd like to see where it can go.” A somber look came to the pilot's eyes. “I have to know if you want the same thing. I'm not ready to put everything out there, only to be hurt.”

Ben wasn't exactly sure how to reply. Of course he wanted this! He had no intentions of hurting the pilot. But he had never been a relationship before, he wasn't sure how to proceed. Then there was a fact that was practically screaming at him from the back of his mind: Luke was on his way here, and he didn't know when he would arrive…

He swallowed his doubts and uncertainties. He had wanted the pilot for far too long to let any of that get in his way, when he was so close to finally making him his. Ben took a step closer to the pilot, set his hand on top of his, and nodded. “This is what I want. I want you.” 

The pilot squinted, studying Ben's face, as if he was trying to find some deception there. Slowly, his classic smirk reappeared, the devilish gleam in his eyes brightened, and a hint of blush rose in his cheeks. 

“Well, alright then,” the pilot whispered as he pulled on the front of Ben's shirt, bringing his face down to softly kiss him. 

Almost immediately, Ben had one hand grasped in the pilot's hair, the other wrapped around his back. Ben pulled the pilot closer to him, using his lips to try and make his current needs known. 

Once again, Ben was left surprised and the pilot pushed him away. The pilot was laughing again.

“What's so funny?” Ben asked bitterly, he was upset at continuously being denied and now laughed at.

“Don't look at me like that Ben Solo,” the pilot replied, still chuckling. “I asked for five minutes of seriousness and you can't even give me that.”

“Well you kissed me first,” he replied quietly, crossing his arms and looking away.

“Stop this now,” the pilot teased, wrapping his arms around Ben's waist and hugging him close. “There's just a few more things I'd like to say, if you have the patience to listen to me.”

Ben nearly melted into the pilot's hug. With him being so much taller, and with the pilot still sitting on the table, the pilot's head was resting on his chest, causing his heart to skip then beat rapidly for reasons Ben could not immediately explain. 

“Patience is not one of my strengths,” Ben said breathlessly. 

The pilot looked back up at him, “Listen heartbreaker, I’d like to slow things down a little. Do this whole thing properly. Or as properly as we can.” 

Ben frowned at this. Slow down? After last night? 

“Uh-uh, no pouting. If things are going to work out we've got to, you know, take the time to get to know each other. I'm not completely convinced you actually like me,” the pilot threw Ben an exaggerated wink.

Ben sighed. He couldn't help but give into the pilot's request when he was using his charm like this. It was quite disarming he had to admit to himself. 

“As I stated before, patience is not one of my strengths,” Ben smiled, “but if this is what you require, I shall try.” 

The pilot craned his neck up to kiss Ben on the tip of his nose. “I'm not going to require anything of you. I'd just like to try and do this right.”

Ben nodded his agreement. He was about to leaned down and kiss his pilot when he said something that made Ben's heart sink right out of his body and through the floor. 

“Alright heartbreaker, how about we go and tell the General about us?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little break with some ~fluff~! Hope you enjoy the feels while they're here! ;3


	10. Chapter 10

“No!” Ben shouted, shattering the quiet of the hangar. “No-Absolutely not! She is not to know!”

The pilot tilted his head in confusion, “Embarrassed by me that much?”

“It's not that, it's-it's-” Ben buried his face in his hands. “Damn it I can't explain it but this is not the time to tell her.”

The pilot wrapped his hands around Ben's, slowly pulling his hands down. “Ben you know we can't hide this. There isn't anything that happens on this base that she doesn't know about.”

Ben kept his eyes tightly shut, just shaking his head. She already suspected this was going on and there was no way he would confirm those suspicions. He wasn't sure he could live through the knowing look he knew she'd give him. Or her speech she must already have prepared about how Jedi are not supposed to have attachments and the rest of the nonsensical rules the Order had come up with. He admitted to himself that he was currently being a bit absurd, but he couldn't give her that satisfaction. 

“Come on now Ben, I don't think she'll be that upset. I mean, I am only the Resistance’s best pilot, what's there for her to complain about? I personally think I'm a great match for the General's son.” 

He tried to resist, but inevitably laughter escaped Ben. He loved and hated his pilot's charm. It was irresistible and infuriating all at once. 

“I thought we were supposed to be serious,” 

“I'm dead serious Ben.” The pilot responded solemnly. “I really am your best choice here on the base.”

Ben threw his head back and groaned loudly. “I think I've made a huge mistake.”

He looked back down at the pilot, who was now staring up at him with eyes wide, an attempt at feigning innocence. Ben wasn't fooled, but he did find the pilot's warm, dark eyes quite captivating. He couldn't help but be drawn into the pilot's gaze, and the pilot wasted no time in swiftly kissing Ben, then held him in place with hand firmly placed on each of Ben's cheeks. In no time, Ben's head was spinning, his body craving for more. 

His pilot then whispered Ben's name, causing him to groan and bite at the pilot's lower lip. He felt the pilot smiling in response. 

Too soon, the pilot gently pulled away. “Why can't we tell the General, Ben?” The pilot asked, stilling holding Ben's face in his hands. 

Ben averted his eyes. He didn't want to use his pride as an excuse, but he knew now wasn't the time for telling his parents that he had acquired a boyfriend. 

He chose his next words carefully, “My parents and I recently, very recently, had a, uh, disagreement. As of now things between us are not on good terms. While I in no way need their permission for this, for us, I do feel as if they could make our lives more difficult. If...if you would be willing to give me just a little time to work things out between them, then I would have no issues telling them about us.”

The pilot sighed, still concerned, “I don't want to make you do anything you're uncomfortable with, but you do understand that your mother is my boss. I really don't want to be thrown off planet for secretly stealing her son from her.”

Ben smirked, “She wouldn't do that.Besides, you said so yourself! Aren't you the Resistance’s best pilot? I’m positive she wouldn't space you so quickly.” Ben replied with a wink of his own this time. 

The pilot laughed at his own tactics being used against him. He dropped his hands to find and hold both of Ben's. “Alright, heartbreaker, we’ll try it your way. Lucky for you, I've got a few days to myself after this last mission. Since I can't parade you around the base quite yet, how about you meet me here tomorrow morning. I'll come up with some plan for us outside of here.”

“I suppose that should work,” Ben conceded that this was probably the most he was going to get physically from his pilot. He walks begrudgingly admitted that the pilot desperately needed sleep, he was clearly in his last leg. “I'll see you in the morning then.”

They kissed again, short but still full of passion. Ben left his pilot, still sitting on his table. He could just barely sense a feeling of nervous concern, and guilt coming from the pilot. Ben dismissed it as just lingering feeling about not informing the General of their situation. The pilot had no reason to have concerned or guilty feelings concerning himself, Ben confidently thought as he left the hangar to go back to his own quarters. 

*************************

Ben awoke early again, excited from the anticipation of having his pilot all to himself that day. He quickly got ready, concerned with how early he should meet the pilot. He could just go and wait in the hangar, it would be unlikely that anyone would notice him. A sudden knocking on his door interrupted his thoughts. He tried not to get his hopes up that the pilot had decided to come to him first. 

He quickly released the door, only to be confused to find no one waiting for him. Then something was bumping his shins, and looking down he saw the pilot's white and orange BB-unit nudging him. Frowning slightly, he kneeled down to the droids level. 

“Um, yes?” He felt dumb, talking to the droid, especially since he couldn't understand it's binary speech. 

The droid beeped rapidly, then paused, as if it expected a response. Ben rubbed his face in frustration, how was he supposed to know what it wanted? 

Beeping again, more slowly this time, Ben thought the droid was attempting to repeat itself to get him to understand. He was about to kick the thing when a tiny hatch on its round body opened, and a small metal arm extended, holding a folded note. 

“Why couldn't you have given this to me first?” Ben muttered as the droid rolled away. 

Ben read the note quickly, which left him slightly confused. The note was short, basically asking Ben to meet the pilot in the hangar when he could, and to bring extra clothes. Frowning slightly in confusion, Ben wondered what exactly the pilot was up to. He quickly packed what was asked, and soon left to find out where his day was headed. 

Arriving at the hangar, Ben saw the pilot sitting again on the floor next to his X-Wing, haphazardly stuffing clothes into his pack. Ben internally flinched at the pilot's messiness, a trait that he had to eventually correct. No pilot of his should be that sloppy. 

“Why are you on the ground , there's perfectly good tables all around here,” Ben questioned. “The floor of this hangar cannot be clean.” 

The pilot looked up at Ben and smirked at his remark. “Well excuse me your Highness, but you forget that us peons live down here in the dirt. We don't get to be all perfect and clean like you Royal types.”

Ben wondered if he would ever stop rolling his eyes at the pilot. He held out his hand to help him up, which the pilot accepted. Once standing the pilot gave Ben a tight hug. Ben was stiff for a moment, unused to being greeted so enthusiastically. 

“You ready to go?” The pilot asked, his excitement apparent. 

“Can you tell me what I should be ready for?”

“It wasn't obvious? We're going to take a short hike and camp out, just over the ridge on the west side of beach! We can spend some time with each other and don't have to worry about you-know-who catching us together.” 

Ben's brow furrowed, “Camp out?”

“Well yeah,” the pilot explained, “you know, fresh air , sleeping outside, outdoor relaxation?”

Ben rolled his eyes. “Yes I know what it is, I'm just wondering why we're doing it.”

“I've got to keep you secret, right? So here's a chance for us to go and be together without a certain someone's mom finding out what's going on. We don't have that many options in a secret base that's run by your mom.” 

He purses his lips tightly, Ben didn't have a response for that, the pilot was right. While he normally only went outside to exercise or meditate away from the chaos of the base, Ben supposed that some recreational time could be beneficial. 

Soon the two were making their way through a sandy beach forest. The sun was still low in the sky, casting their shadows long and thin, blending in with the trees. For a while they walked side by side in silence, focusing on the on the winding trail that was parallel to the shore. 

Breaking the quiet, Ben inquired about the mission that the pilot had returned from. That turned out to be all the prompting the pilot needed to start telling a captivating story of undercover spying, fist fights turned deadly, and epic star fighter combat in the void of space. 

Most secret missions or battles that Ben knew about he had read from standard post-mission reports, and they tended to be straight forward and to the point. But the way that his pilot told about his experiences had Ben completely enthralled. The pilot obviously wanted to make sure no detail was left out, using his hands in an attempt to describe every moment. 

Ben didn't normally have the patience to listen to someone else talk about anything for an extended period, the pilot was definitely keeping his attention. He was so excited about everything that had occurred, Ben couldn't help but want to know what happened next in his adventure. The pilot's passion was addicting, and he had a way of speaking that made it feel almost as if Ben had been there with him. 

He was intrigued by the pilot's undercover intuition, he seemed to have a sixth sense for improvisation when it came to talking himself into, or more often out of, a conversation. His pilot also had an unfortunate talent for attracting more trouble than was expected, with him being the cause of that trouble more often than not. Yet somehow he almost always was able to talk himself out of any real conflict. Ben was a little envious of this skill, as he normally couldn't keep his temper, let alone think strategically, when he was under similar pressure. 

Hearing the full story behind the bar fight upset Ben. Not completely at the attackers though, a lot of that frustration was aimed at his pilot. Normally he was incredibly intelligent, but Ben was realizing that at times, he could be a complete idiot. The pilot’s actions suggested that he enjoyed causing mayhem. He seemed to never back down from a challenge, and had to always prove his point. Those needs of his usually ended up with the pilot in the middle of a fight. Ben continuously shook his head as the pilot explained his recklessness. He had been outnumbered five to one, in unfamiliar territory, with no backup. He was beginning to understand that it wouldn't necessarily be an enemy that would be the end of his pilot, but the pilot's own ego and spontaneity. Ben was legitimately surprised that his pilot had survived this long. 

The pilot had been telling his story for such a long time, Ben was surprised of how many miles they had covered. The two of them had traveled along the wide bayside to the cliffs that bordered the calm sea outside of the Resistance base. The pilot paused his story to turn and gaze over the landscape they had just traversed. While standing at the base of the cliffs and looking back, the exterior metal of the base’s structure was only a distant gleam in the late morning sunlight. 

For Ben it was both refreshing and stressful leaving the base so far behind. He loved the freedom that came from leaving the ever looming presence of his parents. Being away from them he felt like he could finally breath. But, in the back of his mind there was still the tormenting thought that would not leave him: Luke was coming. He didn't know when, but it could be quite a while before he showed up. Either way Ben knew he had difficult choices approaching. 

The pilot's arm was unexpectedly around Ben's shoulders, drawing him close to the pilot's side. “What's with the long face, buddy? Miss home already?” The pilot asked with a concerned smile. Ben hadn't realized his concerns had appeared so easily on his face. 

He snorted in response. “There's nothing back there for me to miss, really.” 

“Hmm, yes,” the pilot responded, in a contemplative tone. “I see your point. The main thing you would miss, you've brought with you, so, nothing back there for ya.”

Ben glanced down at the pilot, who then raised his eyebrows and pointed to himself. Ben couldn't decide if he wanted to kiss him or throw him off the sea cliffs. His pilot was turning out to be maddening for his emotions. 

“You have got to be thee most ridiculous person I have ever encountered,” Ben said as he shrugged out of the pilot's hold on him. 

“Aw come one, I’m not ridiculous,” explaining as the pilot grabbed into Ben's hand. “Just honest.” The pilot pulled up the hand he grasped and placed a quick kiss on the top of it. Ben blushed at the pilot's action, he had been caught off guard by the sweet and simple act and wasn't sure how to respond to the pilot's complete openness. 

Cheeks still pink, Ben avoid the pilot's eyes and asked, “How much further do we have to go? Or are you planning on just walking forever?”

The pilot chuckled. “No, no walking forever. I'll probably be talking for that long if you don't interrupt me once in awhile though. We’ve just a short hike to the top of this ridge, I've got the perfect spot up there.” 

The pilot held on firmly to Ben's hand as he began to lead them up the rocky trail. Ben was surprised that he allowed himself to be led by the pilot, actually enjoying for the first time having his hand held… Held by someone who didn't want to control or manipulate him, but just wanted to be with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it ends a little abruptly but I promise you guys more next chapter <3


	11. Chapter 11

Laughter rang out along the cliff side as the sun sank below the horizon. Ben knew he had never laughed so hard in his life. His pilot was recalling a story of when he had misjudged a Hutts intentions and got himself into a sticky situation. Literally. Upon hearing how the pilot had struggled to free himself from the Hutts sludge-like bathhouse, Ben could not control himself. Even when his sides began to cramp he could not stop laughing at the image of his perfect pilot covered in the slimy ooze the Hutt’s preferred to soak in. He tried to ask the pilot how many weeks it took to wash out of his hair, but could not get the words out in betweens his gasping laughs. 

His pilot was laughing right along side of him too. Ben was envious of the pilot's ability to laugh at himself. Ben had always been too self conscious and proud to let anyone see him in an unfavorable light, let alone tell others about it. The pilot was more than alright sharing stories of his failures, as well as his successes. 

“Ben wait,” the pilot said breathlessly in between his own laughter, “I haven't even told you the best part! After I finally got out of the Hutt Lord’s bath, one of his sisters apparently took a liking to me while I was covered in their finest muck. I was offered an outrageous amount of credits to stay on planet as her personal assistant.”

With Ben's renewed laughter came tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. He could too clearly imagine his pilot in typical slave garb, chained to a lustful Hutt, bringing her food and drink and answering to her every whim. It was all too much for Ben. He fell onto his back, still clutching his sides and his roaring laughter filling the air. 

Once he was able to settle down to just quiet chuckles, Ben opened his eyes to find the pilot inches from his face. He was so startled by this he fell silent, eyes wide, mouth slightly opened with a hint of a smile from his last laugh. 

“You don't smile enough,” the pilot stated. “Not real smiles at least. I'm not sure I've ever seen you smile like this.” The pilot touched the corner of Ben's lips. “I like it.”

Ben was still unsure of what to say. That he didn't have much reason to smile? Or should he say what his mind was yelling at the pilot, ‘take me, take me, take me now!’

“I'm hoping you'll smile for me more often,” the pilot whispered as he lithely rolled himself on top of Ben, knees on either side of Ben's thighs, his forearms supporting his weight on each side of Ben's face. “Will you smile for me, heartbreaker?”

Ben thought, ‘I’d like to see you try and make me smile’. Then he pursed his lips and shook his head, causing his pilot to grin wide. The pilot leaned his head in closer, lips just brushing Ben’s, “Well I'll just have to make you smile.”

The pilot starting kissing Ben's lips, then moved down to his jaw, causing chills to run down his spine. The pilot was slow and methodical with his actions, making everything more intense. As he moved to kiss softly at Ben’s neck, Ben reached his hands to grab the pilot's hair. With a quickness that surprised Ben, the pilot trapped his hands in each of his and pinned them above his head. Ben's eyes widened at the act, his whole body quivering with anticipation for the pilot's next move. 

“I don't know what it is about you Ben,” the pilot whispered, teeth grazing at Ben's neck, “but I cannot think straight around you. It's like you're in my head.” The pilot then bit down just hard enough for a sharp gasp to be heard from Ben. 

Now Ben's head was spinning from the too many thoughts he had bouncing around. He wanted to concentrate on the pilot, as his mood had taken an unexpected but not unwelcome turn, and Ben wanted to keep it going. But there was also what the pilot had said, that it was as if Ben was in his head, which he thinks he might have been. Ever since Ben had snuck his way into the pilot's inner thoughts, it seemed too easy to slip back in. Ben wasn't even meaning to use the force to keep that contact going, but his connection with the Force, and now the pilot, was growing stronger. While he knew he was only using the connection to nudge his pilot in the right direction, he was a little worried at being found out while in his mind…

All these distracting thoughts disappeared from Ben's mind completely began to lift himself up and away from him, but not before grinding his hips hard against Ben's. Unwilling Ben let a small whine escaped him at the contact. He wanted to get closer to his pilot, but his hand were still pinned on the ground by the pilot. His pilot was looking down at him, eager eyes almost hidden by shadow, his bottom lip caught between his teeth as he hungrily admired Ben pinned beneath him. 

Then, before Ben could get a chance to work out the tangle of emotions and thoughts running through his pilot's head, the pilot expertly rolled onto his back, grabbing Ben with him so now their places were reversed. The pilot wrapped Ben in his arms, holding him tightly to his chest. He sighed heavily, “Sorry Ben. I really don't know what came over me just then.” The pilot buried his face in the wavy hair on top of Ben's head, falling silent. 

“Well, it's not like I told you to stop or anything,” Ben said, trying not to pout. 

Ben heard the pilot's chuckled deep in his chest. “I know you won't stop me. I said I wanted to take this slow.” The pilot kissed the top of Ben's head, then he barely heard him whisper, “I don't want to fuck this up, Ben.”

Curious, Ben asked, “Why do you think you're going to mess this up?”

The pilot was silent for a moment. Ben could sense his inner turmoil while he tried to piece together an answer. “I'm a very passionate person… I love life and adventure, and I want to see and do and be everything I can. I’m devoted, loyal, fearless! But, I’m also spontaneous, impulsive, irresponsible, reckless, and even dangerous… It was my confidence that led to Muran getting killed. I decided to break protocol, to break all the rules that would've kept him safe…” the pilot sighed deeply. “I know you and I are in a completely different situation, but I feel like I'm going to make a decision that'll ruin it all again.”

Ben replied, “You may be outrageous, but I doubt you could do anything that'll change my decision. I'm not going anywhere.”

The pilot took Ben's shoulders and lifted them so he could see his face. “You mean that? You'll be staying here for a while?”

“I haven't got any plans to leave you anytime soon,” Ben replied quickly, avoiding the actual question. He didn't plan on leaving the relationship, that was true. 

“I'm glad I get to keep you for now,” the pilot tucked a stray lock of hair behind Ben's ear. “I don't know how I would deal with you leaving me, now that we're here.” 

Ben dropped his eyes, hoping the pilot would see the truth of his situation there. He also couldn't help but smile at the pilot's words. He really did want Ben, and the feeling of being wanted was new and incredibly comforting. 

“There it is,” the pilot held into Ben's jaw, turning his head to face him again. “I knew I'd get ya to smile for me.”

They spent the rest of their evening lying entwined together under the night sky. They began to see who could name the most constellations in the stars. Ben knew most of the names, but the pilot happened to know many of the stories behind each constellation. Ben learned that before she died, his mother used to fly with him in her A-Wing when he was very small, and taught him many of the Stars histories while they flew through the space above their home planet. 

Then it is was Ben telling the stories. He recounted the time that his father had taken him in the Millennium Falcon to attempt to beat his own Kessel Run record. It was a harrowing experience that nearly resulted in their deaths no less than seventeen different times. It was one of the very few occasions that Ben had an opportunity to co-pilot the Falcon, and he didn't mind that the pilot seemed impressed with his flying too. 

Ben tried using his hands to describe the different maneuvers and tricks they used to escape asteroids and black holes. His pilot was listening intently, following his hands and always asking for more details. 

As he attempted to explain a particularly complicated hairpin turn around a spaced junker ship, Ben's words were halted by his own huge yawn. He had been talking very late into the night. 

The pilot followed suit with a yawn of his own. He situated himself closer to Ben and kissed his cheek. 

“I think it's time to turn in for the night,” the pilot murmured against his neck. 

Ben hummed in agreement. He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of the pilot mixed with the ocean air all around them. Within moments he drifted off into a deep sleep. 

There was a crisp chill in the air that woke Ben the next morning. He squinted against the sunlight, noting that the sun was quite high in the sky already, making it nearly midday. 

Ben sat up and looked around for his pilot, whom he quickly found. He was sitting not far away, feet dangling over the edge of the seas cliff, a datapad in his hands. Ben stood and stretched out his body, surprised to find he was not as sore as he would expect after spending the night sleeping on the ground. 

“Morning,” the pilot said brightly as Ben approached. “Nice hair, it works for you.”

Irritated, Ben reached up and attempted to tame the mess his hair had become, sticking up on one side. The decision he made to grow out his hair about a year back was beginning to be more work than he had anticipated. He tied the wavy locks into a messy knot at the back of his head to get it away from his face. That and he didn't need his pilot seeing him in such disarray, he had a reputation to keep. 

“That's a cute little bun you've got there,” the pilot teased as Ben sat next to him. 

“I'll push you off these cliffs, don't think I won't.” Ben responded. “Not all of us have the time to make our hair look perfect everyday.”

“What're you talking about Ben?” The pilot ran a hand through his hair. “You think my hair is perfect?”

Ben could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. He just had to say something and now he wanted to kick himself. 

“Don't tell me you've got a thing for these thick, dark curls of mine,” the pilot asked pointedly, making Ben want to hit him. “This hair is just always perfect, no extra work needed to be done by me.”

“Must you be so aggravating already? ”

“This is just the way I am kid,” the pilot shrugged, “you know you can't resist me. Plus, I have lunch ready for you.”

The pilot handed Ben a wrapped package. The meal was simple yet delicious. When he inquired where the pilot had gotten it, he learned that the pilot had made it himself. His pilot's list of talents was growing rapidly. Not that Ben was complaining. 

“So what are we going today?” Ben asked as he finished his last bite. 

The pilot shrugged. “Dunno. I haven't thought about it, really.” The pilot paused as he looked out over the sea. “Why don't we go swimming? It's great day for a dip.” 

“Alright, I don't see that-” Ben stopped short when the pilot stood up and started taking off his shirt. “What are you doing? Are you walking all the way back down with no clothes?”

“Walking?” The pilot replied. “We’re not walking. We're going to jump!”

Ben looked at the pilot, then to the edge of the cliff and back. “If you think I'm jumping off that you've clearly lost it.”

The pilot had finished stripping down to just his black boxers. Ben was having a hard time finishing his argument, when his pilot was just standing there, hands on his hips, tan and gorgeous, seemingly without a care in the world. Ben wanted to tackle him to the ground and have him right then and there. 

“You scared?” The pilot taunted, flashing his classic smirk, and Ben could swear he was posing more seductively now. He was making sure Ben was seeing every bit of him that he wanted. 

“I'm going to kill you, Poe Dameron.” Ben stated as he slowly stood up with the intention of throttling him. 

“Gotta catch me first,” and without any other warning, the pilot took a running leap off the side of the sea cliff, yelling enthusiastically on his way down. Ben watched the pilot's descent and his ungraceful landing in the ocean. Ben became anxious when his pilot didn't immediately come to the surface, and waited for far too long in his opinion before the pilot's head broke the water. 

“Come on Ben! I'm waiting for ya!” The pilot yelled back to Ben, who was struggling with deciding to leave him floating alone or to give in and jump. 

Ben made up his mind. He undressed, and took a few steps away from the edge. If he was going to jump in after the pilot, he might as well try and make a better entrance than him. He ran and leapt off the edge, straightening his arms out and executed a nearly perfect dive into the ocean. As he hit the water, he almost let all the air in his lungs out as the depths turned out to be much colder than he expected. He quickly surfaced, gasping for air. The pilot was nearby, roaring with laughter. 

“I can't believe you jumped!” The pilot made his way over to Ben. “You looked like such a natural though, with that dive!”

As soon as the pilot was right next to him Ben splashed him in the face. “Don't you ever make me do something like that again, the water is freezing!”

Most of their day was spent like that, splashing fighting, wrestling in the calm ocean waters. After tiring themselves out they laid on the warm sand beach to dry off. Ben laid with his eyes closed, content his pilot's presence so close to him. He hadn't allowed himself to let go and have fun like this since he was a young child. He admitted to himself that he actually enjoyed the chance to be carefree and to just live. He also knew that it was the pilot's carefree attitude that allowed him to stop overthinking and overanalyzing every situation. It was an unexpected benefit of their relationship. 

His pilot slide his hand into Ben's, tightly winding their fingers together. Ben felt a smile creep on his face. He didn't expect this to be so, nice. He preferred the frenzied passion and primal hunger that came with his infatuation with the pilot, but he supposed he could accustom himself to the moments like this, where time seemed to stand still. 

“I've got some bad news, kid,” the pilot said. Sighing overdramatically. 

Ben kept his eyes closed, sure that whatever joke the pilot was about to make couldn't be that bad. “And what would that be,” Ben casually replied, too relaxed to be worried. 

“I just realized that we're going to have to walk all the way back up the cliffs in our underwear.” The pilot started laughing at his own bad planning as Ben smacked his head realizing that he didn't catch that mistake earlier. 

When they decided to finally drag themselves off of their beach, the two headed up the trail, barefoot and nearly naked. Ben found himself having a difficult time paying attention to keeping his footing and not sneaking glances at his pilot. It was a perfect opportunity to get a good look at what his pilot had to offer, especially since he was in broad daylight and not a dim bedroom. 

His pilot was broad shouldered and tanned, he had toned muscles without looking like a walking piece of meat. While he was looking over him the pilot then ran a hand threw his still damp hair, attempting to keep his unruly curls out of his face. Ben didn't think he'd ever stop appreciating that particular feature of his pilot, the flawless disarray of his thick locks left him feeling both envious and lustful. 

The pilot then looked back over his shoulder, giving Ben a questioning look, clearing knowing that Ben had been observing him. Ben dropped his gaze, but he let his imagine run for a bit while they continued their climb. He hoped his day dreams would become more substantial that night. 

After finally getting to put a shirt on and eating a heartily meal cooked by his pilot, Ben found himself curled into the pilot's side, once again gazing at the stars. Ben was close to falling asleep when his pilot shifted to his side and then turned Ben's face up to kiss him. Ben leaned his head into the kiss, wanting and urging the pilot for more. With one hand he pulled the pilot's hips closer to his, knowing he'd be able to feeling the hardening bulge that was growing there. His pilot moaned at the contact, and quickly broke his lips away from Ben's. 

“Ben, we shouldn't-” the pilot began but was cut off by Ben locking lips with him again, harder and with more force. Ben could feel the pilot was overwhelmed and he wanted to give in to Ben's wants. Ben pulled away, locked eyes with his pilot, and attempting to subtly use the influence of the Force behind his words, he simply asked, “Please?”

His pilot groaned, giving in, kissing ben fiercely while deftly getting his hands under his pants to firmly grasp Ben’s now hard cock. Ben nearly came at that, he did not expect his pilot to be convinced so easily and was unprepared for the urgency in which the pilot moved. 

As the pilot began pumping him harder and harder, Ben was gasping for air. He desperately grabbed onto the pilot's shoulders, his touch was becoming too intense, Ben know he wouldn't last much longer. 

His pilot must've sense it too, as he suddenly stopped. Ben worried that the pilot wasn't going to finish at all when he found himself gently, but forcefully, being turned around to his other side, now facing away from the pilot. He was about to protest when his pilot's hand softly snaked around him, taking ahold of him once more. 

This time was different though, the pilot was slower, more careful. It somehow felt even more powerful than before. When Ben started panting from the pleasure, the pilot retracted his hand to take off Ben’s underclothes. He then moved Ben's leg so that he was more accessible to him. Ben moaned eagerly as his pilot slowly and tenderly worked his way inside of him. It wasn't long before Ben's chest was heaving with his deep gasps of pleasure as he took in the pilot's full length. 

The pilot wrapped his arms securely around Ben's chest as he began slowly thrusting into him. He could feel the pilot's hot breath on the back of neck, his lips brushing up on the tender skin there with each of his movements. Ben clenched his teeth together, the ecstasy building quickly. In his head his mind was screaming for the pilot to ‘move faster, give me more, take me now!’

“Shh, Ben, be patient,” the pilot whispered huskily into Ben's ear, startling him. Ben was beginning to panic, did he accidentally start speaking out loud and was unaware of it?! Or was he unintentionally connecting to the pilot's mind again?

His anxiety was quickly silenced when his pilot moved one hand to brush Ben's hair away from his face and neck. The pilot, still moving slowly, began thrusting harder while also sucking and biting at Ben's neck. One of Ben's hands clung to the ground in front of him, unable to clutch onto any part of the pilot on this position, and needed to hold onto anything. 

Then pilot suddenly shifted his movements, any urgency or need replaced with a feeling that Ben was completely unfamiliar with. What he was sensing from the pilot wasn't bad in anyway, but his feelings left Ben feeling somehow more exposed, more naked in a metaphorical sense rather than physical. The pilot was moving deliberately, as if he was connecting his very emotions to the act, or like he was trying to communicate his feelings through body. It was impossible for Ben to search the pilot's feelings for the source of his new purpose in the act, because Ben himself was becoming more absorbed in the raw, open emotion his pilot was expressing. His own satisfaction combined with sensing the pilot's deep passion was coming to a high. 

Ben started moaning the pilot's name over and over, feeling his climax coming. The pilot kept his steady rhythm, keeping Ben from going over the edge. Then, with perfect timing just as Ben came, his pilot bit down hard on the side of his neck, the sharp and sudden pain had doubled, no tripled, Ben's ecstasy. 

His pilot gripped him in his arms tighter, his fingers digging into Ben. He nearly got hard again just listening to his pilot's panting against his neck as he started to fuck Ben harder until he finished, crying out Ben's name as he came inside him. 

Both spent, the two just laid there together, hearts beating rapidly. The only sound passing between them was their heavy breathing as it slowly became regular again. As he stayed wrapped in his arms, Ben could sense that there had been a shift in the pilot. Something had changed. He tried making sense sense of the pilot's emotions, but it seemed as if the pilot was doing the same thing. His mind was a tumble of disoriented thoughts; relief, unease, attachment, panic, desire, affection, confusion, want, and also a touch of fear was sensed there. 

After a few more moments and the pilot's mind had still not settled, Ben turned over to face him. He tried reading his face but the pilot was facing the sky, eyes closed and face blank. 

Ben lightly traced a line down the pilot's jaw with his finger. “Are you alright, Poe,” he whispered, suddenly anxious for his answer. 

The pilot slowly opened his eyes, turned and gave Ben a small smile. “I’m with you, heartbreaker. So I'm doing great.” He leaned and kissed Ben on his forehead, the sweetness making Ben's chest feel tight. 

After a moment, Ben asked, “Why do you call me that?”

“Hmm?”

“Heartbreaker. You've called me that a few times but I haven't thought about it until now.”

Thinking it over the pilot responded, “Partly as a joke, because you seem like the type to want to lead people on only to leave them wanting more. But, also partly because there's a small part of me that can't help but think that's what you'll do it me.”

Ben felt his stomach drop. “And what makes you think that?”

“Have you ever been away from the base? Not under the supervision of your parents but really got a chance to explore and see the worlds?”

“...No.”

“See, out there there are trillions of other people. Aliens and humans and everything in between. You have no idea what adventures you'll have and what people you'll meet when you finally do get away from this base. It really won't surprise me when you find a better match out there for you.” 

The pilot turned back to Ben. “I think you might only like me because I’m the only person you've ever given a chance to like.”

“Poe, that's not true-”

The pilot cut him off with a small laugh. “It's just all in my head Ben. If anything, you're a heartbreaker since you'll be denying this glorious face and even better body to all the guys and gals that'll be pining over you. And you'll hopefully only have eyes for me… Just make sure if you do feel like leaving, you let me know, my heart couldn't take you just disappearing. Not since I've fallen for you so hard.”

His pilot kissed him once more and then settled himself more comfortably to sleep. Ben lay awake late into the night, the pilot's words echoing in his head. Ben couldn't see himself leaving the pilot for anyone better. But he was leaving. And he hadn't told him. He didn't know how soon he'd be gone but he dreaded the pilot's reaction when he found out. 

The pilot was his now, and Ben would need to keep him that way. He was determined to not let something so trivial as his absence break them apart...


	12. Chapter 12

After a restless sleep, Ben awoke to find that the pilot was already up. He lay there for a few moments, watching his pilot pacing about their little camp, picking up and packing what they had brought there. Part of him was beginning to want things to stay this way, just the two of them away from the rest of the Galaxy. 

Whatever shift had happened with the pilot last night must've affected him too. Ben had never truly desired a different goal other than him becoming a Jedi Knight, and now here he was only wanting to be away with this pilot. He sighed, hopefully the universe would allow him more time to plan out a way to combine both futures he needed. 

His pilot glanced over at Ben and saw that he was awake. He grinned as walked up to then bunched down next to him. “It's about time you woke up! I know you need your beauty sleep, but we gotta start making our way back to base, I'm expected back there tonight.”

He held out his hand to help Ben up, and instead of taking it, Ben asked, “Why are you always up so early? You don't seem to sleep much.”

The pilot chuckled and shrugged, “I've never been much of a sleeper I guess. Especially when I got a lot on my mind...It also doesn't help that you constantly talk on your sleep.”

“I do not!” Ben practically shouted, embarrassed, not knowing if the pilot was joking or not. 

“Calm down heartbreaker, you haven't revealed any classified Resistance secrets or anything.” The pilot winked. 

The pilot wagged the fingers on the hand he was still offering, and Ben momentarily thought about refusing it to spite his joking, but decided that it was too early even for him to start their arguments. 

After he pulled him up the pilot wrapped his arms around him and held him there for a moment. Ben sensed the waves of contentment and affection rolling off of the pilot. Once again the pilot's free flowing emotions sensed by Ben were overwhelming, almost uncomfortable. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to reacted to the pure tenderness the pilot kept trying to show him. He was not used to be wanted and sincerely liked this much. 

His pilot kissed him quickly, “Unfortunately our little getaway does have to come to an end, but don't worry, I promise I'll get more free days soon.” The pilot ran his thumb across Ben's bottom lip before turning to finish his packing. Ben touched his lip, almost feeling the pilot's touch still there, wondering what he was going to do when he got back to base. 

After dragging his feet and taking as long as he could to get ready to go, Ben and his pilot started walking down the path that would take them back to the base. He was half listening to his pilot tell him about the other pilot's in the squad under his command. Ben was too anxious to give his full attention, trying to figure out what would happen in his immediate future and how he was going to keep the pilot in it. 

“Hey,” his pilot nudged him, getting his attention back “what's going on heartbreaker?”

“Sorry, I've just got my mind somewhere else...”

“Ben, listen,” the pilot took his arm and stopped him. “I know you're worried about telling your parents about us, especially since we've obviously both been missing from the base and we're going to arrive back there together, they're going to know something's going on. Things will work out, I know it.” The pilot smiled sincerely, “I'll be there for you the whole time while you figure out how you want to do this.”

Ben asked quietly, “You'll really promise me that? To be there for me,”

The pilot took Ben's hand. “Of course I promise.” 

A smile found its way into Ben's face. The pilot's honesty touched him, he truly meant what he said. A small light of hope sparked inside of him, maybe things would work themselves out after all. He held on tighter to the pilot's hand as they continued to the base, determined that things would work themselves out for him. 

Ben kept his better attitude up until the Resistance Base came into view. While usually never fearing any task, Ben hesitated to go back there. The moment he stepped back into that world he dreaded that his perfect bubble they had kept themselves in would pop and reality would set in, possibly driving them apart. 

“Come on Ben, nearly there,” his pilot said as he tugged on his hand. 

“Why don't we just leave?” Ben heard himself suddenly burst out. “We could take a ship and just forget everyone else's issues. The Galaxy is a big place, and they would mostly likely never find us…”

The pilot laughed. “Sorry heartbreaker, you know I've got too much work that needs to be done here. Besides, I actually like being a part of the Resistance. If you gave it a chance and stopped being angry at everyone in there, you might actually find yourself fitting in.”

Soon the two approached the hangar doors. The pilot figured them coming in from this entrance would most likely be the quietest part of the base, as neither of them saw any ships coming or going on their way in. The pilot's instincts had been right, there was only a couple of people milling about, no one paying them any attention. 

Heading over to his X-Wing, the pilot threw his bag almost onto his work table, and paid it no attention as it fell into the floor. Ben shook his head at his pilot's carelessness as he watched the pilot's BB-unit roll hastily up to him and start beeping and whirring in what Ben thought to be an excited tone. At least he hoped the droid was excited to see its master instead of it delivering bad news it had possibly held onto in the pilot's absence. 

“Ben, I've got a couple of hours to kill before I'm expected tonight,” the pilot said. “If you don't have any other plans you're welcome to hang around here with me while I work on Black One.”

Ben shrugged as he perched on the pilot’s worktable, trying to keep his enthusiasm for spending more time with his pilot to a minimum. He sat there and listened as the pilot explained complicated specs and inner workings of his X-wing. Once again Ben found himself jealous of his pilot. Most fighter pilots only knew how to fly their ships, but the pilot knew the ship's inner workings nearly as well as the base’s engineers who had spent years studying how to fix and build them. 

Ben was content with the slow passing of the afternoon with his pilot. He asked questions and the pilot always had an answer. They joked and reminisced of their nights alone together. They even tried planning their next adventure. Ben was attempting to convince the pilot that they should steal a ship and go off planet, and while the pilot was tempted, he was not convinced that theft from his commanding officer was a good idea. Ben was half jokingly presenting the idea of stealing the Millennium Falcon when multiple alarms around the base suddenly began to go off. 

The entire base burst into action. His pilot immediately jumped to his feet, and called his droid over to load up into his X-Wing. Ben recognized the alarm as a possible air raid alert. Ben knew his place when an alarm went off was to return to command control, but he couldn't bring himself to leave his pilot. Ben watched as he hurriedly changed into his orange flight suit, fighting the urge to grab him and run away from the approaching danger. 

“Ben you need to go!” The pilot yelled point back towards command. Even he knew that Ben did not belong here. 

Ben hesitantly took a couple steps back, trying to make a decision on whether to go or stay, heart beating rapidly in his chest. Panic began to rise within him, this was the first time he could remember not being able to take action and being frozen in place. 

Then he heard a commanding voice ringing out in the hangar. Both Ben and his pilot whipped their heads around to see the General rushing in, hands waving above her head to have everyone listen to her. Ben couldn't understand her over the alarms from this distance, but she looked calm, if not a little exasperated. The alarms abruptly stopped, leaving a ringing in the silence that followed. 

The General raised her voice to address the personal in the Hangar. “That was a false alarm! There is no need to panic! There is a friendly ship inbound for the base and will be landing here shortly! Once again I apologize for the mistake but thank you all for your quick response for action! It's good to see that the Resistance is ready for any fight!” 

A small cheer rose after the Generals praise, and a general air of relief settled around the hangar. 

But not for Ben. 

Ben was rooted to the spot, his mother's words echoing in his ears. He was out of time. 

“Ben, what's going on? Everything's okay!” His pilot, concerned, put both hands on his shoulders, quickly kissing him in relief. “You heard the General right? False alarm! Time to snap out of it buddy.” 

“Poe,” Ben choked out, “I need to go-” 

Then he saw his mother and father approaching them. The pilot tactfully dropped his arms and took a stop away from Ben.

He didn't know what to do, he didn't have a plan ready for this yet. A multitude of useless excuses flew through his mind as his parents closed the distance between them. 

Time was up. 

Han clapped Ben on the shoulder, as if he had just accomplished some great deed. “Well kid, looks like your time here is up. I told you it could be any day your uncle arrived. Lucky for you it was sooner rather than later.”

Ben felt the pilot stiffen next to him. 

“Yes,” Leia began with a smile, “it looks like you returned to the base just in time. Luke will be pleased that you're already here waiting for him. I suspect he'll want to begin his training with you immediately, as Jedis are rumored to do.” 

Just then a small passenger transport ship slowly flew in and began its landing in the hangar. Both of his parents looked up at their son, pride, and a hint of sadness, apparent on their faces. 

“Come on kid, let's go see this Jedi Master you've been waiting on for so long,” Han threw an arm around Leia and began to lead her over to Luke's ship. His mother looked back over her shoulder at Ben, her brow slightly furrowed in what Ben could only read as confusion and concern. 

“You knew?” His pilot barely whispered. 

Ben clenched his fists and shut his eyes. He couldn't respond to him. He refused to. 

“Ben, why?” He could hear his voice becoming hoarse. “Why didn't you tell me if you knew?”

Ben began to stride away from him, as fast he as he could without running. The sudden pain and hurt and anguish that he sensed breaking open within the pilot was unbearable. He needed to leave. He didn't want to feel what he had done to him any longer. 

After a moment Ben did look back, but the pilot was out of sight. He was still somewhere in the hangar though, his sharp pain was still easily felt by Ben, even though he did tried to cut that connection. The pilot's emotions had become too strong to sever easily. 

Ben pushed the pilot to the back of his mind. He had to concentrate on leveling his emotions around Luke. The Jedi Master would never accept him as a pupil if Ben couldn't control his own mind. 

As he approached the ship, he pushed to the front of the small circle of onlookers that were waiting to see who had arrived on their base. He stood a few paces to the side of his parents, and waiting with everyone else for the ship's ramp to lower. He took a steadying breath as its hydraulics hissed and the metal ramp began its descent. 

After a tense moment, Luke walked down and stepped off his ship. Dressed in the traditional robes of the Jedi of old, his dark brown cloak brushed the ground as he went to embrace his twin sister. 

“Leia, I've missed you,” The Jedi said, he voice full of sincerity and power. “And you too, Han. It's been too long!”

The trio stood there for a moment, not needing to say anything as the strong ties of friendship between them were seemingly reconnected. 

Then Luke turned to greet Ben. “You've gotten taller since I last saw you.”

Ben bowed his head. “It is good to see you again, Uncle.”

Luke bowed his head in response, “Ben, I am delighted that it is time to train you in the ways of the Jedi. May I speak to you privately for a moment?” 

“Of course, sir.”

Luke nodded to Leia, then led Ben up the ramp into his ship. 

Ben took a moment to look around him. It was the same as any basic transport ship Ben has been on before, with the except that the usual seats that would be present were taken out and there was just a large open, empty space. Ben guessed that Luke didn't normally transport too many people with him. 

“Ben,” Luke began, facing him squarely. “I would first like to apologize for delaying your training for so long. Your parents and I haven't seen eye to eye on this and you were the one that's had to be patient with us, and for that I thank you.”

Ben only nodded in response, unsure of what to say. 

“Because of your delay, I would like to begin your training immediately. Would you be prepared to leave tomorrow?”

Ben's breath caught in his lungs. Tomorrow?! This was everything he wanted yet he wasn't sure he could leave. His pilot was here. Ben breathed deeply, he would figure out a way to keep his pilot. He had to. 

“Yes, sir. We can leave tomorrow,” Ben said with as much conviction as he could summon. 

“I'm glad to hear it, Ben. From now on you'll be my Padawan and I will be your Master. We will depart at sunset tomorrow. You will need nothing but the clothes on your back. That will be your first test, leaving your possessions and attachments behind,” Luke looked at him sternly, “you will not need these things as a Jedi.”

“Yes, Master.” Ben bowed once again, and he was dismissed from the ship. 

He moved quickly through the people that were waiting to meet the Jedi legend. He needed to find his pilot. He had to mend things somehow. 

He could still feel the pilot's hurt pounding through the connection to him. He followed the Force to a hallway leading away from the hangar. As he approached the place, Ben could see his pilot leaning in a doorway, arms crossed and head down. 

He took a few steps toward him when the pilot's head snapped up. His pilot had a look on his face he had never suspected that he could have. Hurt and confusion were both clearly etched into his expression. But what startled Ben was the anger that was also there. The pilot didn't get angry like that. The pilot had always been above succumbing to that emotion for the whole time he had been stationed at this base. In truth, it also startled Ben how that much anger could be channeled at himself, it wasn't what he had been expecting. 

“Poe I-” 

“Don't.” His pilot harshly spat at him. “Just don't. I can't stand to hear another lie out of you.”

“I didn't lie-”

“Didn't lie?” The pilot barely whispered, lifting a hand to forehead. “You--Ben you said you weren't leaving, you said you would be here. That's what you told me! Do not tell me you weren't lying.”

“...I said that I wasn't going to leave you,” Ben said in a small voice, regretting the words as soon as they left his mouth.

“Ha!” His pilot laughed bitterly. “I see, so you lied to spare my feelings. That makes me feel better.”his words dripping with sarcasm. The pilot covered his face his his hand. “I can't believe I trusted you so easily. I cannot believe that I let myself fall for you so fucking hard.”

Ben reached out to take the pilot's hand from his face, to get him to look at him. But as soon as he touched him the pilot flinched his whole body away from Ben. This hurt him more than he thought it could. 

“Ben please, just go. I don't want to see your face now. I need some time to process this.” His pilot glanced at him one last time before leaving, the sickened look in his eyes cut into Ben, staggered with the knowledge that someone could hurt him so much with just a look. 

Ben walked back to his room in a daze. Everything had changed in a single moment and he was left dizzy from the whirl of emotions he was trying to sort out. The things he had wanted most had taken a turn down the wrong paths and he had no idea how to keep both. 

He entered his room and let the door shut behind him. He stood there for a moment, before the gravity of the situation hit him and full and he sunk to his knees, screaming out in frustration. His pilot was gone! He lost him! His pilot had turned him down and walked away!

Ben bowed his head, hands pulling at his hair. How could he do this? How could he just go back on what he said and leave? 

He lay there, face down for hours, trying to find a solution and only becoming more angry with the universe and everyone in it. Soon, Ben's dismay was building into a blind rage. This was not supposed to be how they played out. He had been told no too many times. The pilot could not refuse him. The pilot was not going to deny Ben. How could he think he would so easily just say no to him? 

He felt a deep power begin to build inside of him. His sensitivity to the Force was pulling its power within him. His desire, fury, lust and need were combining to become an incredibly destructive force that was begging to be used, to be lashed out at anything or anyone. Ben concentrated on this power, focusing it into one singular point in his mind. His instinct was to unleash it into this room and wreak havoc upon everything in it. 

Then, a more rewarding idea occurred to him. He had once been told by Luke to not let his emotions control him, that losing control was a sign of weakness. But he could use his emotions to let someone else lose control. He decided he wasn't going to use this newly discovered power without a purpose. 

Ben stood up. He could sense the waves of his dark emotions surrounding him, connected with the unlimited power of the Force, needing to be used. He grabbed the pilot's jacket that had been abandoned here, in what seemed like a lifetime ago. He was glad it could finally make its way back to its rightful owner. 

He walked out of his room and headed towards the pilot's quarters. Now that he was using his rage to drive it, his control over the Force had never been stronger or easier to mentally hold. He then sensed his mother approaching. It was now too easy to put on a blank face as she turned the corner. 

He could tell she had something to say to him. He went up to her and nodded his head in greeting. He could wait a moment before reclaiming his pilot. He had all night for that. 

“Ben, what are doing out so late? Shouldn't you be getting ready to leave?” She asked, the suspicion obvious in her voice. 

“I realized that I still hadn't returned the pilot's jacket to him.” Ben replied smoothly. “I thought it would be best to drop it off before I've gone.”

His mother narrowed her eyes at him. He smugly smiled internally at himself. He technically wasn't lying, so there was nothing for her to sense him doing wrong. 

“Are you sure that's all? Is there something more going on? You're positive that everything's alright?”

Ben smiled, trying to ease her concern. “Everything is fine, mother. There's no need to worry.”

As he began to walk away, Leia grabbed his arm hard. “Ben, please don't,” she paused, clearly not knowing what to say, “don't do anything you'll regret.”

Ben nodded. He honestly could never regret returning his pilot back to where he belonged. 

With one last desperate look, Leia let go of Ben. He wasted no time in resuming his path, letting his rage and need radiate through once again. Ready to let his emotions consume the power of the Force to enhance his own abilities tenfold. 

He approached the pilot's door and knocked. He breathed deep and let a calm presence settle on his face. For his plan to work, he needed to be invited in. He heard footsteps on the other side of the door. He felt the Force surge within him and smiled. 

His pilot did say that he loved to see him smile, after all.


	13. Chapter 13

“Please, leave me alone Ben,” the pilot's voice was muffled from the other side of the still shut door. 

Even though Ben felt a touch of annoyance in the back of his mind, he knew he was in complete control of his emotions now. This wouldn't be enough to set him off. 

“Poe, open the door.” Ben made sure to add a touch of sadness to his tone. 

“I'd rather not.”

“Poe please, I need to talk to you. Don't make me do this out here….” Ben paused, waiting for a response. “Besides I have your jacket here.”

The pilot paused. “My jacket?”

“You left it in my room the other night. I haven't had a chance to return it to you.”

Another pause. Ben took the moment to search the pilot's feelings. He was still upset and angry. He also sensed the pilot's hesitation on whether or not to see him. More importantly, Ben found not quite buried within his pilot's mind that he still held onto a desire for Ben. The thought of a second chance for them was still a possibility in the pilot's mind, and that's all that Ben needed to convince the pilot to come back. 

Ben just touched on that thought, pushing it just enough so that it was brought to the front of the pilot's mind. It was all too easy now, mentally watching the pilot reconsider and having that noble need to forgive. 

Then the pilot's door slid open. Ben feigned a look of regret as he looked into the pilot's hurt eyes. 

After a moment the pilot sighed, “Well come in. Just say what you need to say and leave.”

Ben stepped into the pilot's room. It was a disorganized little place, with a disheveled desk and unmade bed. The messiness didn't surprise Ben, seeing how his pilot was around the base. He carefully set the folded jacket down on an open chair, letting his fingers linger on the worn leather, fully aware that the pilot was watching his every move and using it to his advantage. 

“This isn't how you want us to end.” Ben stated simply. 

The pilot scoffed,“With you lying to me and leading me on and making me think you actually cared for me while you were planning on getting whisked halfway across the galaxy? Nope. This wasn't what I was planning on believe it or not.”

Ben looked over his shoulder at the pilot. His eyes were fixed on Ben's hand still on his jacket, arms crossed defensively across his chest. Ben turned around fully and stood in front of the pilot, who was stubbornly avoiding looking at him. 

“You still want me though,” Ben said matter of factly. 

The pilot rolled his eyes, “You think a lot of yourself, you know.”

“I know you do,” Ben caressed the side of his pilot's face, please that he didn't flinch away. “You can't deny the connection we've made.”

The pilot shut his eyes, as if that would stop him from hearing what he knew was true. Ben sensed the pilot's resolve wavering. He really was a hopeless romantic, already attached to Ben so strongly. He just had to convince the pilot to give in now. 

“Won't you take me back, Poe?” Ben asked in a sweet voice, putting both hands on his face now. “I need you.” 

Ben gently lifted the pilot face up to tentatively kiss him. He was as tender as he was capable, trying to get a positive response from the pilot. 

The pilot tried half heartedly pulling away, whispering, “Ben, stop this.”

Ben held onto the pilot tighter, “No. You will take me back.” He put more power behind his words, and kissed him fiercely, forcing his mouth to open to his. He could sense the pilot's willpower being chipped away, then was elated when he stopped resisting Ben's advances. 

But the pilot defenses were still up, Ben could sense that he was resolved to not let this go further. That would not do. 

“Take me back Poe”. Ben demanded, taking a hold of the pilot and pushing him hard against the wall. Ben's rage and lust was now invading the pilot's own emotions through their Force connection. He could sense the pilot's innermost character was being twisted by his own wills and wants now. 

The pilot's eyes revealed the inner confusion and fear that he felt as his own thoughts begin to betray him. An angry passion soon began to show in the pilot, and Ben was pleased that his new found power was working flawlessly, manipulating and pushing his pilot to his minds edge. 

“Take me now, my pilot,” Ben ordered. 

The pilot responded by suddenly grabbing Ben's neck with both hands, his fingers easily curling completely around, his thumbs painfully digging into the underside of Ben's jaw. But the pilot didn't choke him, he just held him firmly in place. Ben sneered down at him, aroused by the beastly look in the pilot's dark eyes. 

“I knew you wanted this,” Ben breathed as he took hold of the pilot's wrists, pulling them away from his throat. “Now, you will have me back.”

Holding his gaze steady, the pilot hissed aggressively, “What do you want from me?” 

Ben forced the pilot to his knees. “I want you to give me everything,” he whispered as he broke down the pilot's last bit of physical control, letting his and the pilot's inner lust and desires flow freely through his mind. 

For just a second, Ben watched the pilot's eyes go blank, but he didn't even have a chance to worry if he had pushed him too far, as the blank look was replaced with a primal hunger that mimicked what Ben’s lust for the pilot currently felt like. It was the most intoxicating and erotic expression he could ever imagine on his pilot. 

Without warning the pilot literally ripped Ben's pants off, exposing his erection. Without being given even a second to react, the pilot had his mouth around his cock, greedily nearly taking in his entire length. 

Be gasped and nearly fell over with the pilot’s intensity. Ben steadied himself by tangling his hand into the pilot's hair, gripping tightly as the pilot bobbed his head back and forth eagerly. 

Once he caught his breath, Ben looked down at his pilot, admiring the beauty of him on his knees, sucking at his cock with such vigor. He wound his fingers tighter in the pilot's thick locks, and began to thrust his hips into the pilot. The pilot gripped Ben's hips to brace himself as Ben pulled the pilot's head hard until his nose was pressed up against his pale skin. Ben had to concentrate on not cumming as the pilot choked as he hit the back of his throat, sending the most arousing vibrations through his whole body. Ben held him there in place until he felt his pilot's fingernails cutting into his skin. 

When he did release him, the pilot fell back gasping for air. Ben bent down and grabbed the pilot's chin, forcing him to meet his eyes. He was captivated by the pilot's state, lips swollen and wet, brows furrowed sharply over his dark eyes that had a single tear escaping from his choking. The ferocity that Ben sensed coming from the pilot assured him that his barriers were still down, his primal needs still driving him in the direction Ben willed. 

“Strip down for me, pilot.” Ben commanded. 

After a look of disdain mixed with desire, the pilot quickly complied. Ben took off his own clothes and kicked off his boots, wanting nothing in the way between him and his pilot. 

As soon as his shirt cleared his head, Ben grabbed the pilot's face again, drawing him close. “Will you fuck me, pilot?”

Ben enjoyed the frustration playing out on the pilot's face. His lust verses his morals were still struggling for power, but with Ben's guidance, lust was winning. 

“Is this really what you want, Ben?” The pilot hissed. 

“Yes,” Ben purred. “And I want it hard.” 

The pilot barred his teeth at Ben before grabbing him forcefully and shoving him face first onto the bed. He then felt his hips being forced up and back by the pilot, his fingers pressing into the crescent cuts he just left there. 

Ben's excitement was enhanced by a touch of fear at the pilot's unexpected carnal appetite. This is exactly what Ben needed, for the pilot to let go of the cage that surrounded his darkest wants. Ben knew the pilot was free to be all his now. 

Ben looked over his shoulder and watched with wide eyes as the pilot seductively licked his hand stroked himself. Then Ben's fear abruptly spiked at his pilot's next words, “Sorry heartbreaker, this is going to hurt.”

With no time to prepare Ben screamed out as the pilot forced his fully erect, hard cock into him. Even as the pain ripped through him, Ben reveled in the intense pleasure it brought with it. Each pounding attack on Ben brought with it wave after wave of hurt-so-good ecstasy. Ben was in tears he was so overwhelmed with the two extreme contrasting feelings. The pilot was relentless, and Ben felt his Force connection over him wavering as the pilot began fucking him with enraged passion. And for a split second, Ben's hold over the pilot slipped. 

Instantly the pilot grabbed the back of Ben's head and yanked it back by his hair. With his back arched back painfully, the pilot still fully inside him, Ben could barely concentrate as his pilot growled desperately in his ear, “Why can't I stop wanting you? Why do I need you Ben?! Tell me to stop!”

Quickly Ben gathered his wits and regained his Force hold over the pilot. This time the pilot did growl in Ben's ear before biting down on his neck in frustration, hard enough to draw blood. 

Ben barely had a chance to enjoy this new pain when the pilot released the grip on his head, throwing it forward. The pilot then put a hand between Ben's shoulder blades, forcing his face and chest to arch down into the bed. 

His new position brought a whole different sensation to Ben. He couldn't help but cry out with every thrust of pilot, the pain and pleasure was devastating in the best way for Ben. He never knew sex could be this extreme and he was loving every painful fuck the pilot was giving to him. 

As the intensity grew Ben knew we wasn't going to last much longer in this state. He tried lifting his head to tell the pilot, but he was forced back down, one of the pilot's hand now planted firmly on the back of his neck. The pilot's other hand was suddenly gripping Ben's cock, firmly stroking it in time with his thrusts. The rhythmic fucking combined with the synced with the pumping of his erection was too much. 

“Fuck yes, pilot! FUCK!” Ben cried out as he came hard onto the pilot's hand and bed. His orgasm was made even more intense by the still brutally pounding into him. Ben's body was beginning to tremble from the intensity, and he wondered how much more he could physically take when the pilot's one hand moved back to Ben's hip, bruising the skin under his hold. The other hand still on Ben's neck clenched tightly as the pilot climaxed. 

After slowly pulling out of him, the pilot stood still, breathing heavily behind Ben. As soon as he was free Ben collapsed on the bed, completely spent from the pilot's punishment. As an afterthought, Ben released his Force hold over the pilot, and then immediately heard him crash to the floor. 

Ben quickly jumped up, startled that his pilot was hurt, but was relieved to see that he had only fallen hard onto his knees in exhaustion. Ben made a mental note to remember that using the Force and being used through the Force was both physically and mentally taxing to both parties. Ben was impressed with himself with how much he had learned about the Force and it's mysteries today. 

Ben stood up and examined the damage the pilot inflicted on his body. In addition to the internal soreness that he feared would last for days, he counted eight small cuts, four on the sides of each hip, from the pilot's nails, bruises that were beginning to blossom all along his hips and waist, and on his neck were three deeper cuts from the pilot's teeth. That wound was still slowly bleeding, Ben figured he'd need something to wrap it with. Ben began slowly pulling his now torn pants back on as he looked around the room for some sort of first aid kit. Of course the pilot didn't have one. 

As Ben was slipping on his boots, the pilot began to stir, looking as if he was waking from a daze. Ben walked over to him and dropped his pants on his lap. He stood behind the pilot, playing with his hair for a moment. “You did wonderfully tonight, my pilot. I was glad to see our argument earlier didn't hinder your enthusiasm.”

As the pilot stood up and slowly pulled his pants back, Ben traced a finger down his spine, already wanting to go another round with him, regretting that his body couldn't recover so quickly. He sighed then turned to look for his shirt, not remembering where he threw it in the messy room in his excitement. 

Ben heard the pilot approaching him from behind, he turned to face him, he now looked scared and frustrated, “Ben you need to leave, I can't do this,” the pilot whispered out hoarsely, unable to meet Ben's eyes. 

“Excuse me?” Ben replied, caught off guard by the pilot dismissing him. Ben had not predicted this turn. 

“Leave!” The pilot suddenly shouted, stepping away from Ben. “Get out! Just go! I don't know what to do with you here! I don't know what I am! I feel like I'm losing control!”

Ben followed, reached and seized the pilot's wrist as he turned away. The pilot shot him a repulsed look, as if he was disgusted by his touch, and responded by placing his hand on Ben's chest and shoving him back. Not expecting the strength behind the blow Ben lost his footing and tripped over the chair that he had earlier set the pilot's jacket on. As he fell his head made contact with the corner of the pilot's desk and Ben felt a sharp pain above his ear followed by the warm stickiness of blood dripping down the side of his face. 

The pilot moved instantly to try and catch Ben, realizing his mistake. He quickly pulled Ben up and cautiously moved the hair to examine the cut. “Ben I'm sorry, I didn't mean-are you okay? You should go to the infirmary-”

Now Ben was pushing the pilot away in disgust. 

“Really, pilot?” Ben shouted, anger rising again. “You're still trying to get rid of me? After all you've done?!” 

“Ben it was an accident-” 

“An accident?! Was all this an accident?” Ben pointed out the fresh blood on his neck and hips, “Did you accidentally tear open my skin while you had your way with me? Did you accidentally cover me in bruises?”

The pilot was clearly horrified at what he had done, as if he was just realizing that he caused those injuries. He began to tear up, “Ben I'm sorry I don't know what came over me-”

“It's always excuses with you, pilot!” Ben spat, fury rising at being denied, unable to handle being unwanted. “You said you wanted me and that you cared for me, didn't you?”

“I did but-”

“But now that you've gotten what you wanted I guess those words were just hollow.” Ben began backing towards the door. “I came here to try and fix things and you just throw me out!" Ben's rage had flipped like a switch, it was unstoppable now. "It's just like you said Poe-you're selfish, your impulsive, your dangerous!"

“Please, Ben no-”

“I am so SICK of being told no like some child!” Ben spotted his discarded shirt and quickly snatched it up. 

“I was so stupid, thinking that you could actually fall for me, you're exactly you who said you were,” Ben said, real sadness creeping into his voice. “Clearly I never mattered to you, and really, how could I? If you want me to leave then I will. I hope you regret throwing away what we could've been!” 

And Ben ran. The weight of rejection threatening to crush him. For once he thought he could be wanted and needed but the pilot turned out to be like everyone else. He clearly pretended to be the victim so when he was done with Ben the pilot could so easily dismissed him. 

When Ben could run no more, the pains of his body stopping him, he found himself catching his breath in the hangar right in front of the pilot's X-Wing. He laughed bitterly that his subconscious had brought him here, to the place where his pilot spent so much time and energy, like the universe was mocking Ben. He took in the black and orange ship, hoping that when he saw it next the pilot would be running to Ben from it, realizing his mistake and begging for Ben to take him back. 

Ben turned away, and strode over to the transport ship that Luke arrived in. He assumed that Luke was sleeping somewhere in the base, as he found the inside of the ship empty. Ben closed himself in the bathroom, neatly cleaning the blood from his head and neck, carefully dressing the wounds, attempting to make himself look presentable. He wiped the blood and sweat from his torso then pulled his shirt on. He mended his ripped pants as best he could, then settled himself into a corner of the transport, deciding to wait there until Luke was ready to leave. 

He calmed himself externally, taking his rage and rejection and storing them deep within himself. He decided to not let go of these emotions, but to instead use them in furthering his control over the Force as he began his more advanced training. Ben was determined to rise through the ranks of Jedi and padawans that Luke had already taught, and he was ready to use this new found tool to aid him in his climb for power. 

He fell into a deep meditation, feeling the seething emotions churning and growing in the darkest reach of his mind, ready to be used at his will. 

***************************

It was past midday when Ben sensed the Jedi Master walking up the ramp to his ship. He kept his eyes closed, his body now aching, unwilling to use any of his energy until he had to. 

“Ben?” His Master asked. “Are you alright?” 

He opened his eyes and regarded the Jedi in from of him, who was clearly eyeing the cut on the side of his head. Ben gingerly touched it, feeling that it had reopened in the night and he now had a trail of blood running down the side of his face. 

“This was a, training accident,” Ben reassured Luke. “I overestimated my abilities and this was the result. This won't happen again… I just didn't properly clean and cover it.”

“Why are you here already?” 

Ben stood up, using all of his might to voiding wincing in pain as his sore body screamed in protest. “I am fully prepared to leave with you, as soon as you are ready to go.”

“You've left all possessions and attachments behind then?” 

“Yes.” Ben replied without hesitation. He was leaving his pilot behind. Ben knew he would return someday to reclaim him, the pilot would come to his senses as soon as he was gone. The pilot would wait for him, of that he was sure. 

Luke considered him for another moment before nodding his approval. “Alright Ben. Let me make the proper arrangements with Leia and we will go.”

Ben watched as Luke returned down the ramp, a twisted smile appearing on his face. His journey to his destiny had begun. He knew he would achieve both of his goals in short time. He would become a Jedi Knight. Then he would return to claim his pilot, if the pilot didn't come and seek him out first.


	14. Epilogue

~Four Years Later~

He leapt down from the flame covered ridge, landing lightly on his feet, his cowl falling back to reveal the sleek black and silver helmet he now donned. Kylo sensed his old Master was close, cowering as he tried protecting the weak and pathetic children that followed him. Kylo’s skin felt electrified with dark side of the Force flowing through him freely as he closed in on his prey. He could almost smell their inevitable deaths. 

He skirted around a small grove of trees that were just beginning to catch fire. He was pleased with the level of destruction his Knights had already bestowed upon the temple and the lands surrounding it. They had more than proved themselves worthy of his leadership. 

Over the cracking of the fires and the distance screams, Kylo heard a voice. The Jedi’s voice. He smiled under his mask, he had been longing for this fight for far too long. His long legs carrying him swiftly over the charred earth that used to be his training grounds. He thought of the irony that it would be him teaching his old Master the lessons today here of all places. 

As he approached the far edge of the field, he saw them. The Jedi bent over, trying to instruct his padawans on how to escape. It was too easy, Kylo thought to himself, why did they gather together for their slaughter?

The Jedi turned, sensing Kylo approaching. 

“Go! Run!” The Jedi yelled, point his pupils away from the approaching danger. 

Luke faced Kylo, dropping into a defensive, pose and igniting his green lightsaber. He was glad to see the Jedi hadn't lost the trophy that Kylo planned on claiming. 

Kylo shook his head, “You've made this too easy for me, my Master.” His voice metallic and robotic from behind the mask. 

He then launched himself at the Jedi, the yellow blade of his lightsaber igniting mid air. The Jedi blocked the attack, but Kylo could feel him staggering under the weight of the blow. So, the Jedi had been mildly injured earlier, Kylo noted. 

Kylo wasted no time in resuming his assault. He knew that the Jedi was more skilled and practiced when handling a lightsaber, so Kylo would used his superior strength and endurance against him, determined to wear him down. 

Over and over the two blades clashed, yellow and green sparks dancing around the two fighters. Kylo attempted to hit the Jedi’s calves, but he easily jumped out of the way, then aimed a downward strike at Kylo's head. Kylo quickly got his lightsaber up in time to block, then kicked out at the Jedi, hitting his hip and momentarily knocking him off balance. The Jedi quickly settled himself low, defending himself against the sudden barrage of quick strikes and slashes Kylo rained down on him. 

One of Jedi’s knees buckled beneath him, and Kylo increased the power behind his attack, hungry for the win. He was unexpectedly hit with a Force push from the Jedi. It only knocked Kylo back one step, but it was enough for the Jedi to put distance between them. 

Kylo was actually pleased to see his old Master putting up a fight instead of fleeing. He wanted the satisfaction of truly beating him. He strode over to where the Jedi was waiting for him, this time in an offensive stance. Good, he thought, he's realized that he's cornered. 

The Jedi struck out straight for Kylo's chest, which he easily blocked. Then the Jedi twisted his weapon using the momentum from the block to slice within Kylo's defenses and he nicked his forearm, the lightsaber effortlessly searing through the clothing and flesh. 

Kylo hissed in pain. It may have only been a small wound, but the skin and muscle continued to burn. The pain sharpened his senses, and the anger at being the first blood drawn sent him into a renewed frenzy. 

Aiming for his face, Kylo was attempting to keep the Jedi blinded but the sabers continuously sparking and glaring in front of him. The Jedi saw through the trick quickly and beat Kylo's lightsaber lower and lower. Then the Jedi advanced with three hits in quick succession, putting Kylo on the defensive. 

“Ben please stop this!” The Jedi cried out. 

“Do not call me that!” Ben replied through clenched teeth as he blocked a particularly savage blow. 

“But that is who you are!” The Jedi tried to reason, still holding the offensive. 

“You know nothing of who I am! Of whom I was supposed to be!” Kylo shouted attacking the Jedi so fiercely that he nearly lost his grip on his lightsaber. “You and your sister have disgraced the Skywalker name. She denied me the privilege of carrying on that name!”

The Jedi dodged another attack, again trying to put distance between him and Kylo. 

“Ben I am your family, I’m begging you to listen to me!”

“Don't pretend to care about the value of family, Uncle.” Ben growled, his voice made even more sinister through the mask. He began slowly stalking toward the Jedi. “You and your sister betrayed your father, my grandfather! Vader should have been praised for his life's work, not burned for it! You care as little for me as you did for him!”

 

As Kylo screamed the last words he began his attack with new vigor. Soon the two warriors fell into an unsteady rhythm. Their robes flourishing with each spin, the crash of the sabers causing their ears to ring. Neither could get the upper hand on the other. Kylo moved with ferocity and brute force causing the Jedi's body to fatigue quickly. But the Jedi moved lightly on his feet, carefully staying just out of Kylo's reach. 

Kylo's impatience was fueling his inner rage, causing the dark side of the Force to build within him. He quickly mapped out a plan, waiting for the perfect opening to unleash his power upon the Jedi. Kylo began slashing erratically, making his moves wild and unpredictable. The Jedi was moving just a touch slower to defend himself, and that was all Kylo needed. 

Once more Kylo aimed his lightsaber towards the Jedi's legs, and once again he leapt to avoid the yellow blade. When the Jedi was midair, that's when Kylo took his chance. He threw out his hand and unleashed a Dark Force attack at the Jedi's exposed torso. Unable to block or prepare for the attack, the Jedi's eye widened in shock as he was flung over a fifty feet away from his opponent. 

Kylo Force-summoned the Jedi's dropped lightsaber to himself, catching it expertly as it flew through the air. Kylo ignited both lightsabers, and took a step towards the downed Jedi. 

The Jedi knowing he was beat took flight. Kylo hesitated to go after him. He knew the Jedi was heading toward where the few remaining Jedi and Padawans were taking their last stand. Kylo begrudgingly knew it was best to find the Knights of Ren and regroup before their final assault. 

Ben extinguished both lightsabers and regarded the one he had just taken. Through the Force he sensed the immense power of the Kyber Crystal hidden in the hilt. The first Kyber crystal to choose a Jedi since the galaxy had deemed them extinct. A Kyber crystal that had the power to change and shape the universe. 

Yes, Kylo thought, this was the Kyber crystal that he was meant to weld. 

He tossed his own lightsaber into the fires that burned near, watching as it cracked and then burst with power as the heat ruptured and destroyed its Kyber crystal. He was glad to be rid of the blade. To think a yellow bladed Kyber had chosen him. Yellow, the color supposedly meant only for protectors and guardians. A color meant for the weak. 

Kylo hastily broke open his old Master’s lightsaber, shattering the hilt. After a moment he finally had it, a thin, two inch long semi transparent crystal. He held it between his finger and thumb, he could feel it's power emanating from it. 

He began trembling from excitement. He was about to continue in Vader’s steps, the path that he had walked long before. He was about to commit one of the most vile and depraved acts that one could do to truly embrace and gain full control of the Dark Side. Kylo was going to bend the will of the Kyber crystal to his own and corrupt it to its core. It was a little known fact that the Kyber crystals were considered near sentient, objects that could actually use and manipulate the Force around them. Kylo was doing the same thing that his grandfather Darth Vader had done so many years ago, stealing and forcing a Jedi's Kyber to obey his will. 

Kylo clenched the Kyber in his fist, gathering his full control of the Force around him. He summoned his hate and rage that had been smoldering in the darkest reaches of his conscience for the past four years, building up and growing, becoming stronger and more unstable with every dark emotion he stored there. 

He took that darkness within him, and channeled it into an assault on the Kyber crystal. Immediately the crystal began to fight back, it’s sudden outburst of pure Force energy sending Kylo to his knees. Still, he kept up his relentless assault, attempting to overpower the Kyber. The unseen battle was taking a toll on Kylo, soon he was shaking with the pain the Kyber was racking through his body in addition to his strength quickly draining from keeping up the barrage of dark energy flowing from him. 

Kylo realized he was losing. He tried recalling his new Master’s lessons, on what the Supreme Leader had taught him on overcoming the will of the Kybers. 

Rage. Rage is what the Supreme Leader had told him to summon his passion from, that it would make him unbeatable. 

Kylo began to draw upon memories he had bottled up. His mother flinching away from him in fear when he was learning to use the Force a child. His father avoiding him and finding any excuse to not be with him, paranoid that his son could turn on him at any moment. Luke threatening to end his training if he didn't follow the Jedi's outdated rules, that has to stop relying on his passions. The looks of revulsion and fear from his fellow pupils when they found out that he was the grandson of Darth Vader. The look of disgust his pilot gave him as he shoved him and their future away. He let those memories surge through him and give him more resolve to seek his revenge on those that had caused him such anguish. 

The Kyber crystal in his fist began to vibrate as he finally began to damage its defenses. Then it started to burn hot, but Kylo refused to let it go, letting it burn through his thick leather glove. A bright white light shone through the gaps in his fingers, illuminating the surrounding area more brightly than the sun. Kylo bared his teeth as he gained the upper hand in the battle of wills, his war with the crystal nearly won. 

Slowly, the white light started pulsing, as if the crystal was pain. Kylo knew the Kyber was in fact feeling pain, his pain. Another name that the Siths used for their red bladed sabers was Bleeding Kybers. 

And his Kyber slowly began to bleed. The white light was starting to pulse with flashes of red, until the deep crimson was all that was shining from the crystal that Kylo finally beat. 

He breath deep, willing the light to dim. He held up the now blood red Kyber to the moonlight, seeing deep cracks running along the length of the crystal. He was only mildly concerned with the cracks, as he could still feel the ocean of power the Kyber contained, now broken down and willing to serve him. 

Slowly Kylo rose from his knees, feeling as if his own destiny was gathering around him and waiting for him to seize it. With his unmatched control of the Force and the new power the Kyber crystal would grant him, no one would be able to stand in the way of him taking control of his fate. He would now be unstoppable in taking back what should have always been his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoyed this little story of mine!! It's my first fic and I know it's no where near perfect put I truly appreciate everyone's who's taken the time to read and comment <3
> 
> Sorry for all the dark feels but I do have good news: POE AND KYLO SHALL RETURN! I'm writing a part two AND three to this, and I really hope you guys will stick around to read it :D
> 
> Thank you again, my readers rock so freakin hard!!


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